blackhat
(suggested alternate titles: Interns Gone Wild; Miami Vice Goes to Hong Kong)
Rotten Tomatoes, I will never, ever, doubt your 31% Tomatometer rating again.For a film with a reported US$70M budget, evidently none of it was spent on any of the following:
- a focus puller - an endless succession of blurry shots? really? REALLY??
- a Steadicam operator - the first film since BLAIR WITCH PROJECT whose jerky handheld shots made me seriously wonder if I was going to toss my cookies before it ended
- any dolly tracks - see: perennially bumpy footage, above; painful bonus round: when the camera operator was obviously running with the actors
- an editor who was willing to smack Michael Mann upside da hayed - and tell him to trim numerous shots throughout the 2-hr, 13-min movie
- a screenwriter who didn't fail his Remedial Character Motivations 101 class - at one point Chris Hemsworth's character uttered such a "me Tarzan, you Jane" line that I could hear the people in the row behind us snort audibly (more on those fellow filmgoers later, since they were HILARIOUS), whereas other characters have a single line of dialogue each to explain their actions.
Her excellent suggestion as to what ACTUALLY became of the $70M production budget also deserves to be repeated: "Hookers and blow, my friend. Hookers and blow."
PACING
The movie opened promisingly with a gripping sequence set in a Hong Kong nuclear reactor. After that, it was all downhill.Normally, I hate superfast cuts and edits which make it hard to see what's going on, but I literally spent much of the movie silently thinking "OK, lose 10 seconds here, and 15 secs there, and..." There was a lot of flabby footage in blackhat. And I mean A LOT.
For example, there were several scenes where the audience follows various Hong Kong SWAT team members and cops running across tarmac, docks, tunnels, helipads, etc. etc. Then there are the lovely night scenes of various boats zooming across Victoria Harbor (which made me wonder when Crockett and Tubbs were going to show up). We GET IT: they're on the move...unlike the story! Which brings me to. . .
PLOT
Do I know what it is? Do I even care??There was one particular moment involving a NSA software program which caused my friend and I -- and the entire row behind us -- to burst out laughing. Trust me, that was NOT the reaction Mr. Mann was going for in that scene.
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| "Excuse me, but can I erase this film from my resume?" |
OTHER MUSINGS
I had a lot of downtime in this movie to think about. . .Mandarin vs. Cantonese - The authorities in HK speak Mandarin (i.e., they are from Beijing). The local first responders all speak Cantonese (accurate). There are several extended scenes in Chinese (with well-translated subtitles), and numerous Chinese co-stars such as TANG Wei and Leehom WANG. With almost all of the events set in HK, Malaysia, and Indonesia, clearly this film is aiming for the Greater China market, as well as most of Asia. Maybe it will do better there. . .
Viola Davis is, as always, riveting. I also had time to notice various Criminal Minds guest stars and former CSI regulars (like I said, LOTS of downtime!) such as:
- Archie Kao
- Spencer Garrett
- William Mapother
- Holt McCallany - double dipping: he was also a recurring character on CSI: Miami
OKAY FEZZIK, I WILL SUM UP
It was a good thing I had specific expectations going into blackhat, or I would have been sorely disappointed:- eye candy - Chris "Thor" Hemsworth is very pretty, and just can't help looking like a fabulously glamorous movie star -- a thought I kept having as his character traipsed without rousing any notice throughout southeast Asia...you know, where everyone is about a foot shorter than him, with black hair and brown eyes. *snort* I was contented with his screen time, and all of the highly attractive Asian actors sprinkled thoughout, but my friend complained about insufficient shirtlessness. Heh.
- armchair tourism - it was indeed like revisiting Hong Kong, without any of the attendant crowding, heat, or humidity - lots of scenes in the night markets, Kowloon, the harbor, the skyline, etc. etc. While the travel show sloooooowed down the movie, it allowed me to indulge in nostalgia, sans 13-hour plane flight. Bonus tours of Indonesia and Malaysia included at no extra cost. (Did I mention that I saw this flick for half price? Mercifully.)
- unexpected fringe benefit: SnarkAlec fodder - my friend and I (and the people in the row behind us) were already snarking in the mostly empty theater, and I heartily recommend gathering a group of friends -- whether tech savvy people, action movie fans, Miami Vice afficionados, or ex-Hong Kongers -- with copious amounts of booze, once this thing hits video.
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| Totally inconspicuous Viking, bundled up in the tropics |
