Perhaps you might all need some if I keep going on and on about Le Engineer. But darnit, I'm just happy. For once in my life, I'm not fretting about things ahead, or wondering about my faults, or feeling anxious about Where Are Things Going. I'm just plain happy, and looking forward only as far as Friday (when I see him again) and Sunday (when we might go for a picnic in Central Park if the weather is nice).
I've been told that I apparently beam -- or blush like an idiot teenager -- or something similar when I think about him, but hey, it's fun when you're 40 to be that lighthearted about this silly business.
My PoW will be pleased when I tell her that I'm just enjoying things as they are for the moment, a feeling/ability I would not have believed myself capable of if you had asked me. I'm not feeling rushed, impatient, or uncertain.
Underneath it all, I realize now that I always felt faintly (or more than faintly) unsure about my ex: when is he going to wake up and not love me? Or realize that I'm lame? Or...[fill in stupid insecurity: here]?
And I don't get that feeling with Sir Engineer. I don't know what his feelings are for me exactly (yet) -- heck, I'm not sure what my feelings are for him, except that I like him a lot (yeah, I feel like a dorky 14 year old saying that, ok?) -- but whatever they are, I'm certain his are solid and that he's not going to wake up one day and go, "What was I thinking?! Clearly I made a mistake."
And he's very patient, but he doesn't make me feel like he's being patient
with me, if you see what I mean -- he's just himself.
So if I look kind of dazed here, it's not just because it's late & the webcam has hideous lighting. It could also be because I'm bemused by the state of things.
Well, that and maybe the glass of white and cocktail I had with dinner tonight (Friday is the end of Summer Restaurant Week 2008): I am such a cheap date. Apparently, all the women in my family are. Oh well.
By the way, for those of you who haven't seen me in a while, yes, that is a gigantic streak of white hair I now have, a la Bonnie Raitt. Actually, I kinda like it, but I just can't remember what it was like to have solidly black hair anymore, since there's grey everywhere now.
Oh yeah, and he drove me home again...."Wheeeee!" says the city girl.
I've been told that I apparently beam -- or blush like an idiot teenager -- or something similar when I think about him, but hey, it's fun when you're 40 to be that lighthearted about this silly business.My PoW will be pleased when I tell her that I'm just enjoying things as they are for the moment, a feeling/ability I would not have believed myself capable of if you had asked me. I'm not feeling rushed, impatient, or uncertain.
Underneath it all, I realize now that I always felt faintly (or more than faintly) unsure about my ex: when is he going to wake up and not love me? Or realize that I'm lame? Or...[fill in stupid insecurity: here]?
And I don't get that feeling with Sir Engineer. I don't know what his feelings are for me exactly (yet) -- heck, I'm not sure what my feelings are for him, except that I like him a lot (yeah, I feel like a dorky 14 year old saying that, ok?) -- but whatever they are, I'm certain his are solid and that he's not going to wake up one day and go, "What was I thinking?! Clearly I made a mistake."
And he's very patient, but he doesn't make me feel like he's being patient
with me, if you see what I mean -- he's just himself.So if I look kind of dazed here, it's not just because it's late & the webcam has hideous lighting. It could also be because I'm bemused by the state of things.
Well, that and maybe the glass of white and cocktail I had with dinner tonight (Friday is the end of Summer Restaurant Week 2008): I am such a cheap date. Apparently, all the women in my family are. Oh well.
By the way, for those of you who haven't seen me in a while, yes, that is a gigantic streak of white hair I now have, a la Bonnie Raitt. Actually, I kinda like it, but I just can't remember what it was like to have solidly black hair anymore, since there's grey everywhere now.
Oh yeah, and he drove me home again...."Wheeeee!" says the city girl.
Holy cr*p! Your face is skinny! Since you don't really carry weight in your face, I take from this that you are SKINNY.
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