- BC = Before Cancer -- can barely remember life before Dec. 30th
- AD = After Diagnosis -- it's a whole 'nother era
I mean, I literally cannot remember when I felt carefree and completely healthy. (Oh, the things we take for granted!) Nowadays I may sometimes feel okay, or pretty normal, or less worse, but it's always overshadowed by the lurking spectre of the next round of chemo. Blech. (That would be Friday, 4/24, by the way.)
And more frequently, I tend to feel either exhausted/fatigued, nauseated, bloated (since I am to drink 10-12 glasses of liquid a day to flush the chemo from my system -- ironic, no?), achy, or a thrilling combination of any and/or all of the above.
It's like when you feel well, you don't viscerally remember what it's like to feel crappy. Conversely, when you're ill, you cannot imagine/remember the feeling of wellbeing that you have when your body is healthy.
Guess where I fall on the spectrum at the moment.
In fact, I am tempted to ask for the afternoon off sick. Maybe I will just leave early at 4pm.
The kicker is that my friend Laura is here for a few days on home leave from her posting in Africa, and everyone has been looking forward to a big Peking duck dinner out tonight. Intellectually, I am too, especially since I haven't seen Laura since August. Physically, I just want to sleep for a few hours.
As my sister reminded me last night (I am such a rocket scientist sometimes) I can't expect to always just pick up and do stuff the way I used to, even little things like going out for dinner or visiting friends. My body just isn't up to it.
Mentally, that's a hard concept to really grasp, ya know?
Witness: my sweetie & I were supposed to go visit his parents on Sunday, and both he and my mom pointed out on saturday that perhaps I should skip this visit, due to my current need to remain chained near the loo at all times. (Did I mention they live 2 hours away in south Jersey?)
I was bummed but yet relieved (2 hour car ride each way? how many rest stops would that have entailed? four? six? eight?) and sent him off with my present for his dad, who is also going through chemo.
His mom said he's a bit down and I totally get that, since I've only have 2 treatments and am worn out. He's been going to (48-hr. treatments) since last year!
So I bought him a milk chocolate egg from Maison du Chocolat (one location is near my office) which is filled with chocolate fishes and chocolate seashells. (Those wacky French ;-P) Hope they send me a photo when they crack the egg!
I also bought my sweetie some chocolate-covered ginger, which is what you see in the little red box. (The nice French salesman let me try some. Yum.)
OKay, lunch time is OVAH.
Hey Shirl... just found your blog and am catching up. Baby Alan was just diagnosed last week, so we haven't even soaked in the implications of AD (or, as we are starting to think of it, the New Normal).
ReplyDeleteAnyway, big hugs, and I hope we can chat and catch up when you feel up to it.
Judy
Squirrel -- We missed you at Peking Duck (and even contemplated bringing you a takeout pancake). Laura's stories will definitely cheer you up -- she told hilarious tales from the field. We missed you! Get some rest -- you'll feel better once you get some sleep. And when you're back in the office you have to show me where Maison du Chocolat is -- I heard they have excellent macaroons.
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