Wiped out

I'm really, really tired. Perhaps this is because I just spent 4 hours at the hospital, waiting to see the surgeon for my last post-op follow up (next visit: October). Perhaps it's because I spent almost half an hour sobbing in the social worker's office. Or perhaps it's because the issue of switching oncologists is stressing me out. No -- scratch that: it's definitely stressing me out, but the sobbing is exhausting too.

That's the most sustained crying jag I've had since my diagnosis on December 30th, so I guess I was due for an implosion.

Now that I'm a bit more removed from last week's fiasco, I'm going to say that while I'm sure that my oncologist and her team are perfectly competent (or why would they be employed where they are?) clearly the chemistry is so not right. Since I've liked everyone else during this endless process -- the physicians & technicians at Columbia Presbyterian, my surgeon's team, the receptionists (between all of my medical appointments, I've spoken to a lot of them, trust me), the blood techs, the ER staff -- clearly it's a chemistry thing. And while it may be completely unreasonable of me (I admit it) the last 2 weeks of unpleasantness have fused in my mind with this particular team.

Apparently, the hospital really doesn't like it when you switch teams because switching teams sometimes results in a delay in treatment while the new physician understandably evaluates your case themselves, and time is money. (I'm hoping my otherwise fabulous insurer won't pitch a fit over this... there could be more tests, etc.)

So basically, saying you're not comfortable with your team is not enough. (Hence, the explosion of tears at the thought of being unable to switch.) Oh no. But logistical reasons such as day of the week (my current oncologist only sees patients there on Fridays) hold more weight, so I told the social worker something I had noticed a while ago: if my chemo was on Thursdays, then I wouldn't need to take off Mondays since my worst days (day 1 is treatment day) are days 3 and 4, when I sleep like the dead.

So the social worker will present it as an economic issue (which it is -- now is not the time to start racking up endless absenteeism, not in this economy: yes I know they can't legally lay off only me, but if they lay off a few people including me, well...)

There's much more hoohah, and some actual pleasant news, but I am just going to crawl into bed now and try to sleep.

Oh, and the orchids above are the ones I bought for my mom for her birthday on February 27th. Looking good still, eh?