My Jalopy

That's what I feel like -- Archie's jalopy, lurching along with much duct tape and other jury-rigging. I mean, I have now officially been prescribed a drug to counteract the drug that's counteracting my chemo that's killing the boob cancer. Does anybody see the mindbending logic here?

So if you remember, I was originally prescribed Decadron to deal with the allergic reaction to the CMF flavor of chemo -- otherwise known as: itching as if I had rolled around in poison ivy. Please note the fun possibilities this particular drug generates, courtesy of MedicineNet.com :

SIDE EFFECTS: May cause dizziness, nausea, indigestion, increased appetite, weight gain, weakness or sleep disturbances. If these effects persist or worsen, contact your doctor. Notify your doctor if you experience: vomiting of blood, black or tarry stools, puffing of the face, swelling of the ankles or feet, unusual weight gain, prolonged sore throat or fever, muscle weakness, breathing difficulties, mental/mood changes

What do you mean "may"? I think I'm batting 1.000 on these. And so today I have been prescribed a daily dose of an antacid (or whatever you call those Prevacid-type thingies) to prevent: acid reflux, GI distress, bleeding of the GI tract, etc. etc.

My local Duane Reade is out of it at the moment, so I will have to pick it up tomorrow. If I tried to get it at another branch, I'd have to have my doctor's office call in the prescription separately... doncha love pharmacy benefit management companies?... or pay out of pocket. [Sidenote: while my health insurer has been FAB, my Rx company has been SUCKY, as may have mentioned before -- I mean when their own regulations bewilder THEIR OWN STAFF, well, then, it ain't just me kvetching.]

So thanks to perhaps a little too much caffeine today, and with many apologies to The Knack, here is my version of "My Sharona":

Ooh my little lumpy one, lumpy one.
When you gonna stop bein' sick, Jalopy?
Ooh you make my stomach cramp, my stomach cramp.
'Cos it's comin' off the drugs, Jalopy.
Never gonna stop, gonna stop.
Such a balding gal.
Always get it up for the hork
of the chemo drip.
My-my-my-i-yi-woo! M-M-M-My Jalopy...

So is it any wonder that the black humor of Despair.com is particularly appealing these days?

The ones I've stuck above my desk at work only SEEM cheery and corporate-esque. If you read the blurbs closely, what they really say is much more snarkitudinous:

• QUALITY - The race for quality has no finish line - so technically, it's more like a death march
  
• TEAMWORK - A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanch of destruction
  
• ACHIEVEMENT - You can do anything you set your mind to when you have vision, determination, and an endless supply of expendable labor

Sadly, I cannot put up my favorite (CLUELESSNESS - There are no stupid questions, but there are A LOT of inquisitive idiots) as that would be a little TOO blatant.

And now, I leave to go meet someone who can also appreciate these sarcastic sayings -- my sweetie! -- as it is date night. Ciao!