Movie Reviews from My Inner Teenager

First of all, yes, I'm still alive. 2016 was a brutal year, both personally (with the passing of my non-smoking mother from lung cancer, so I finally took a 2 month "rest cure" from work) and publicly (with the election of the Orange Clown -- coulrophobia will be even more rampant for me for the next four years).

Not surprisingly, escapism has held great appeal lately, so I've been making up for lost time over the holidays and letting my inner geek run wild at the movie theaters. (Geeky Squirrel been very gleeful.)

DOCTOR STRANGE

Benedict Cumberbatch + Mads Mikkelsen = take my money!

Asked my friend Marci to go with me since we saw it right after Xmas and it's been out since Nov. 4th. In other words, there was only one theater in Manhattan that was showing it at any time other than 10pm. I really wanted to see it in a theater because I'd heard there were some truly psychedelic SFX in the film (consider the era when the character was created). Plus, good reviews on Rotten Tomatoes: Benedict Cumberbatch and Mads Mikkelsen rarely turn in bad and/or dull performances.

As it turned out, I could have done with less of the Inception-esque CGI (yes, me – eye candy junkie) and a little more with work on the script for various characters' motivations. Seriously, a few minutes less of VFX and a corresponding increase in nuance would have been both immensely cheaper financially and more emotionally/psychologically rewarding in terms of payoff.

I mean you KNOW it's bad when I start mentally interpolating what my Mom's probable analysis of Kaecilius‘ (Mikkelsen) motives would have been for palling around with the god/demon (?) Dormammu (since the movie never gave us any) -- while I was still watching the movie!

When the being you follow starts to dissolve
your eyes? Yeah, generally not a GOOD omen.

Various fansites have speculated one way; I've extrapolated another, and then there's the whole "what's up with the Ancient One?" issues. [We are NOT even going to go into why an Asian male character was recast by Wonder Bread Hollywood as a Celtic woman. PAH.]

And I know this isn't Macbeth (which I sooooooo need to watch), but why does the most (entertainingly) egotistical, selfish, and abrasive neurosurgeon decide to become a protective guardian using his fabulous new occult powers? Or if the study of the mystic arts really helped him “grow as a person” (yes, you can hear my eyes rolling) to the point where he'd step in, I must've blinked and missed it.

But these are minor quibbles. For what I went in expecting – spectacular visuals, sorcerous battles, entertaining training montages, an origin story – it delivered quite respectably. Bonus points for Hong Kong location shooting.

STAR WARS: ROGUE ONE

Donnie Yen + Mads Mikkelsen = happy camper!

Rogue One (think of it as Episode III.5) was vastly more satisfying than the fluffy The Force Awakens (Episode VII), which I found immediately forgettable, barring the Kylo Ren temper tantrums and hilarious memes.

If it weren't midnight, I'd go into vast detail about why everything is better in Ep. III.5 (or maybe I just like Jyn Erso better than Rey -- though they are both GALAXIES better than anything in the dreck of Episodes I - III). Instead, I will just say that two Mads movies in one month just sent my non-existent ovaries into hyperdrive. DANG.

Photo Source: Spanish GQ

ASSASSIN'S CREED

Michael Fassbinder shirtless, kicking ass with sexy martial arts? I AM SO THERE!!!

One blog is hilariously succinct with their post, Putting the Sin in Assassin complete with hubba-hubba, shirt-free publicity still.

If I had any brain cells left at this hour, I would write down everything I pondered during my two screenings -- yes, Miss Scrimpy With Her Money And Time saw Assassin TWICE -- of this delectable actionfest. (I am, after all, a proud geek, with a bazillion science fiction movie arguments honed over the decades.) But that will have to wait for another post.

Have some "guns" and a crossbow as a placeholder.