Movie Reviews from My Inner Teenager

First of all, yes, I'm still alive. 2016 was a brutal year, both personally (with the passing of my non-smoking mother from lung cancer, so I finally took a 2 month "rest cure" from work) and publicly (with the election of the Orange Clown -- coulrophobia will be even more rampant for me for the next four years).

Not surprisingly, escapism has held great appeal lately, so I've been making up for lost time over the holidays and letting my inner geek run wild at the movie theaters. (Geeky Squirrel been very gleeful.)

DOCTOR STRANGE

Benedict Cumberbatch + Mads Mikkelsen = take my money!

Asked my friend Marci to go with me since we saw it right after Xmas and it's been out since Nov. 4th. In other words, there was only one theater in Manhattan that was showing it at any time other than 10pm. I really wanted to see it in a theater because I'd heard there were some truly psychedelic SFX in the film (consider the era when the character was created). Plus, good reviews on Rotten Tomatoes: Benedict Cumberbatch and Mads Mikkelsen rarely turn in bad and/or dull performances.

As it turned out, I could have done with less of the Inception-esque CGI (yes, me – eye candy junkie) and a little more with work on the script for various characters' motivations. Seriously, a few minutes less of VFX and a corresponding increase in nuance would have been both immensely cheaper financially and more emotionally/psychologically rewarding in terms of payoff.

I mean you KNOW it's bad when I start mentally interpolating what my Mom's probable analysis of Kaecilius‘ (Mikkelsen) motives would have been for palling around with the god/demon (?) Dormammu (since the movie never gave us any) -- while I was still watching the movie!

When the being you follow starts to dissolve
your eyes? Yeah, generally not a GOOD omen.

Various fansites have speculated one way; I've extrapolated another, and then there's the whole "what's up with the Ancient One?" issues. [We are NOT even going to go into why an Asian male character was recast by Wonder Bread Hollywood as a Celtic woman. PAH.]

And I know this isn't Macbeth (which I sooooooo need to watch), but why does the most (entertainingly) egotistical, selfish, and abrasive neurosurgeon decide to become a protective guardian using his fabulous new occult powers? Or if the study of the mystic arts really helped him “grow as a person” (yes, you can hear my eyes rolling) to the point where he'd step in, I must've blinked and missed it.

But these are minor quibbles. For what I went in expecting – spectacular visuals, sorcerous battles, entertaining training montages, an origin story – it delivered quite respectably. Bonus points for Hong Kong location shooting.

STAR WARS: ROGUE ONE

Donnie Yen + Mads Mikkelsen = happy camper!

Rogue One (think of it as Episode III.5) was vastly more satisfying than the fluffy The Force Awakens (Episode VII), which I found immediately forgettable, barring the Kylo Ren temper tantrums and hilarious memes.

If it weren't midnight, I'd go into vast detail about why everything is better in Ep. III.5 (or maybe I just like Jyn Erso better than Rey -- though they are both GALAXIES better than anything in the dreck of Episodes I - III). Instead, I will just say that two Mads movies in one month just sent my non-existent ovaries into hyperdrive. DANG.

Photo Source: Spanish GQ

ASSASSIN'S CREED

Michael Fassbinder shirtless, kicking ass with sexy martial arts? I AM SO THERE!!!

One blog is hilariously succinct with their post, Putting the Sin in Assassin complete with hubba-hubba, shirt-free publicity still.

If I had any brain cells left at this hour, I would write down everything I pondered during my two screenings -- yes, Miss Scrimpy With Her Money And Time saw Assassin TWICE -- of this delectable actionfest. (I am, after all, a proud geek, with a bazillion science fiction movie arguments honed over the decades.) But that will have to wait for another post.

Have some "guns" and a crossbow as a placeholder.

US$70M? Really?

blackhat

(suggested alternate titles: Interns Gone Wild; Miami Vice Goes to Hong Kong)

Rotten Tomatoes, I will never, ever, doubt your 31% Tomatometer rating again.

For a film with a reported US$70M budget, evidently none of it was spent on any of the following:

• a focus puller - an endless succession of blurry shots? really? REALLY??
• a Steadicam operator - the first film since BLAIR WITCH PROJECT whose jerky handheld shots made me seriously wonder if I was going to toss my cookies before it ended
• any dolly tracks - see: perennially bumpy footage, above; painful bonus round: when the camera operator was obviously running with the actors
• an editor who was willing to smack Michael Mann upside da hayed - and tell him to trim numerous shots throughout the 2-hr, 13-min movie
• a screenwriter who didn't fail his Remedial Character Motivations 101 class - at one point Chris Hemsworth's character  uttered such a "me Tarzan, you Jane" line that I could hear the people in the row behind us snort audibly (more on those fellow filmgoers later, since they were HILARIOUS), whereas other characters have a single line of dialogue each to explain their actions.

I could go on, but I need to go to bed soon, except to say when I explained to my much younger friend who saw this disaster with me that: no, really, Michael Mann was a generally respected director, her reply was that CLEARLY he let the intern direct the movie.

Her excellent suggestion as to what ACTUALLY became of the $70M production budget also deserves to be repeated: "Hookers and blow, my friend. Hookers and blow." 

PACING

The movie opened promisingly with a gripping sequence set in a Hong Kong nuclear reactor. After that, it was all downhill.

Normally, I hate superfast cuts and edits which make it hard to see what's going on, but I literally spent much of the movie silently thinking "OK, lose 10 seconds here, and 15 secs there, and..." There was a lot of flabby footage in blackhat. And I mean A LOT.

For example, there were several scenes where the audience follows various Hong Kong SWAT team members and cops running across tarmac, docks, tunnels, helipads, etc. etc. Then there are the lovely night scenes of various boats zooming across Victoria Harbor (which made me wonder when Crockett and Tubbs were going to show up). We GET IT: they're on the move...unlike the story!  Which brings me to. . . 

PLOT

Do I know what it is? Do I even care??

There was one particular moment involving a NSA software program which caused my friend and I -- and the entire row behind us -- to burst out laughing. Trust me, that was NOT the reaction Mr. Mann was going for in that scene.
 

"Excuse me, but can I erase this film from my resume?"

OTHER MUSINGS

I had a lot of downtime in this movie to think about. . . 

Mandarin vs. Cantonese - The authorities in HK speak Mandarin (i.e., they are from Beijing). The local first responders all speak Cantonese (accurate). There are several extended scenes in Chinese (with well-translated subtitles), and numerous Chinese co-stars such as TANG Wei and Leehom WANG. With almost all of the events set in HK, Malaysia, and Indonesia, clearly this film is aiming for the Greater China market, as well as most of Asia. Maybe it will do better there. . .

Viola Davis is, as always, riveting. I also had time to notice various Criminal Minds guest stars and former CSI regulars (like I said, LOTS of downtime!) such as:

• Archie Kao
• Spencer Garrett
• William Mapother
• Holt McCallany - double dipping: he was also a recurring character on CSI: Miami

OKAY FEZZIK, I WILL SUM UP

It was a good thing I had specific expectations going into blackhat, or I would have been sorely disappointed:

• eye candy - Chris "Thor" Hemsworth is very pretty, and just can't help looking like a fabulously glamorous movie star -- a thought I kept having as his character traipsed without rousing any notice throughout southeast Asia...you know, where everyone is about a foot shorter than him, with black hair and brown eyes. *snort* I was contented with his screen time, and all of the highly attractive Asian actors sprinkled thoughout, but my friend complained about insufficient shirtlessness. Heh.
• armchair tourism - it was indeed like revisiting Hong Kong, without any of the attendant crowding, heat, or humidity - lots of scenes in the night markets, Kowloon, the harbor, the skyline, etc. etc. While the travel show sloooooowed down the movie, it allowed me to indulge in nostalgia, sans 13-hour plane flight. Bonus tours of Indonesia and Malaysia included at no extra cost. (Did I mention that I saw this flick for half price? Mercifully.)
• unexpected fringe benefit: SnarkAlec fodder - my friend and I (and the people in the row behind us) were already snarking in the mostly empty theater, and I heartily recommend gathering a group of friends -- whether tech savvy people, action movie fans, Miami Vice afficionados, or ex-Hong Kongers -- with copious amounts of booze, once this thing hits video.   

And finally, Deadline Hollywood has already come out with a post-mortem: Legendary’s Michael Mann Pic ‘Blackhat': What The Hell Happened? whose URL alone is worth a giggle -- http://deadline.com/2015/01/blackhat-michael-mann-chris-hemsworth-universal-legendary-box-office-bomb-1201353487/

Totally inconspicuous Viking, bundled up in the tropics

When it rains...

So have I mentioned that I have cashed in vast amounts of frequent flyer miles to travel business class to Hong Kong and Shanghai for a two week vacation?

Well, the time IS now getting closer (12 days!) and I'm simultaneously excited and pulling out my hair, since I'm also in the middle of refinancing my mortgage (AGH!) and that entails a visit from the appraiser (Tues AM, so I'm frantically cleaning out my apt this weekend: the word TERROR does spring to mind) as well as the financial ravaging involved with all of the closing costs, etc. Ugh.

Also, I have done exactly ZERO about arranging my trips around within China, such as to Guilin and Ningbo, but I'm hoping to either sort of wing it, since there are so many airlines within China, or else to just explore HK and Shanghai at my own pace.

The latter option is definitely appealing too, since I like to just wander around back streets and poke around museums and things, taking photos of odd signage which amuses me :) Plus, this year has been so stressful so far that I'm leaning towards the more mellow option, instead of "if it's Tuesday, this must be Guilin..." And of course, I want to meet up with all of my friends without having to rush around like a maniac.

I mean, the whole point of a vacation is TO RELAX, correct? And booking myself up for my personal edition of THE AMAZING RACE just does not sound very relaxing. (But Guilin is supposed to be just gorgeous...) And to that point, I have cut out Japan from the itinerary, since that would NOT be relaxing, what with my health scare this spring.

And the food porn is courtesy of Mom, who made this late last month for Dad for a belated Tomb-Sweeping Day observance.

Vacation map (almost)

Happily, my friends in Kyoto and all of their relatives are fine. The rest of the country, not so much...

Source: http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/dyfi/events/us/c0001xgp/us/index.html

So just imagine, um, squinting and looking at this map with my itinerary overlaid: HK, Shanghai, Tokyo, Kyoto, maybe Guilin...

Okay, time to leave the office now. Yes, NOW. (Have I mentioned how much my job is aggravating me these days?)



.

Squee!

Work has been hellacious lately (lather, rinse, repeat) and whenever that happens, I start thinking about (a) updating my resume, and/or (b) planning my next vacation. In this case, I did both, but I'm going to talk about only the fun part here.

You know how I've been diligently accumulating all of my frequent flyer miles over the years for a return trip to Asia in business class? Well I'm finally about to pull the trigger as they say!

I had had a reservation on American for NYC - Shanghai || HK - NYC, but due to a glass of wine at dinner last night (yes, I am such a lightweight) I completely forgot that it expired at midnight last night, and NOT today, as my tiny pea brain thought. Oops.

Well hey, I've been trying to be more mellow about things lately (and sometimes it even works). In this case, I looked upon it as an opportunity to see if I could wangle a different itinerary (since you NEVER EVER get non-stop flights from A to B when using miles, from my experience). Since I wanted to build a multi-leg trip (instead of a straight round trip), and American therefore insisted routing me thru various connections, I thought I'd turn that to my advantage. (Note: the human touch worked so much better than the website in this case --> worth the phone time waiting for them to tweak SABRE.)

Et voila! I will now also be exploring Tokyo and Kyoto on my upcoming trip! All 4 legs of my trip are in business class (YES!) and I will be travelling thusly (bold legs are FF tickets):

1. NYC - Toronto - Hong Kong (short layover in Toronto, Cathay Pacific to HKG)
2. Hong Kong - Guilin (Chinese airlines are quite reasonable)
3. Guilin - Shanghai
4. Shanghai - Tokyo Narita (Japan Airlines)
5. Tokyo - Kyoto - Tokyo on the bullet train (have a friend in Kyoto, and Tokyo's a little overwhelming on my own, so probably more time in Kyoto, which is prettier from what I hear [less bombing from WWII])
6. Tokyo Haneda - JFK (non-stop on American)

All told, I will be gone for 2 weeks, but with Memorial Day and a few business meetings sandwiched in, I should NOT blow 75% of my annual vacation days, maybe only 50% instead. Bonus!

So I've e-mailed all of my buddies in HK and Shanghai, and my friend Brian and his wife (hi Brian!) are not only going to help me reconnect with the people I met a few years ago, but also meet new contacts, what with the endless restructuring gyrations that have been going on within the company.

Hence, a photo of Chinese food to start this post with (heh) courtesy of Kam Man Foods here on Canal Street. (There are several other branches, if you want to explore their website.)

Today I've spent mostly on the phone with American, instead of prepping my taxes (ah well, there's always next weekend -- oh wait: I'm meeting my sister for a girl's weekend then, where I will also go to her hairdresser and finally ditch my grey hair). Ooops, better get cracking with that tax stuff soon!

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to try to get up early (stop laughing so hard! I can hear you from here!) and go to Sloan for blood tests before work. Then the results will be ready for my oncologist when I go see her on Thursday for my quarterly check up. If all goes well on Thursday, then I get upgraded to a semi-annual visit.

Tonight, I leave you with this clip of some haunting piano music from a recent episode of CRIMINAL MINDS (insert fangirl squealing: here) which has been on loop in my home, that and another song I discovered recently called Inner Smile (Scottish band named after a US state that hit the UK charts, recommended by a woman in Cyprus, where the official video showing the female lead singer REALLY resembling Elvis: dizzy yet?).

Here's a link to the official Inner Smile video, filmed in 2000 wherein the very attractive female lead singer resembles Elvis to a startling degree. The whole theme of the video (which is really very clever) is a '60s style tribute to Elvis and reminds me why k.d. lang used to be so appealing. Check out the official video for Constant Craving if you need a refresher/reminder.

The video BELOW is of an autistic character, and the music has obsessed the show's fans ever since the episode aired. What do you think, folks? Catchy tune, eh?

War elephants!

How can you resist an epic movie with live, non-CGI war elephants?? Yes, it's good to be part of the Thai royal family, because if you're a director and need, say, an army...or a herd of (war) elephants...you get the real thing! King Naresuan (parts 1 & 2) is about a real 16th century king of Thailand who kicked some major a**. I am sorely tempted to go see the films, although not all on one day (5.5 hrs. = sore butt).

Yes, I have discovered that it is once again time for annual summer nuttiness of the NY Asian Film Festival, hosted by our friend Darren Dunnowhathislastnameis (a/k/a he of the powder blue ruffled tux) and filled with films about possessed cellphones, demonic antiques, hopping vampires, and various flavors of mayhem: gunplay, martial arts, manga, etc. My inner geek is delighted.

Happily for me, I seem to have met someone equally geeky, because when I asked The Engineer if he'd be interested in seeing Mad Detective on Sunday, starring the fabulous Lau Ching Wan, his reply upon reading the blurb was, "That sounds great! Will we need to order tickets in advance?" Whatta guy. ;)

That is not to say that tonight's date with The Lehman Guy went badly, as he is a perfectly nice guy (who even drove me home from Hoboken), but we are just not on the same wavelength. It's hard to place my finger on it, but our sensibilities are just diametrically different. I guess if you had to be completely reductionist about it, you could sum it up as (in his words) he is a Jersey boy, born and bred and (also in his words) I am a total big city girl.

While we did manage to make the date last for 4 hours, it took effort, if you see what I mean. (I did try -- not very hard -- to end it a bit earlier.) While I don't regret giving it a whirl, I don't know that we have much in common. We'll see if he calls for date #2 (I am dubious).

Tomorrow I am meeting my friend Sam for brunch at Spitzer's, where he has a hankering to try out their wagyu/kobe beef sliders (and probably the other 38 beers on tap). I will also be able to give him a birthday present, as his birthday is this Monday. It will be a nice, masculine, dark blue (known as French Blue) bowl that I made this semester.

And now, to zzzzzz... but in honor of all of the Asian films to come, here is a shot of Kowloon across the harbor (below), and a shot (above) of Homeless, a trendy homefurnishings store (lesson: careful when you name things in foreign languages). Hope I haven't already posted these here before!

Dodged A Bullet

Yes indeed, I dodged a bullet b/c the woman I would have been working with in HK is so not my cup of jasmine tea. Just plain inappropriate & inconsistent. Never mind that she was wondering if I'd move there permanently after all "if my mother were to die during the first year of transfer" (I mean, HOW can you explain it to someone if they just DON'T GET why this would be a comment that would piss me off?) but then, once I am back in NYC, she also turns around and does exactly the opposite of what we had agreed to while I was in HK!

(Oh, have I mentioned previously that she called me at midnight Eastern time to tell me this? And yes, she knows the time difference. And no, she didn't understand why I was less than pleased to receive a call at that hour.)

So this week I had the final post-mortem meeting with my boss' boss' boss' as to why I declined their offer. The answers boiled down to (a) responsibility w/o authority = short trip a long stay @ a sanitarium, and (b) my mom was freaking out about my being away: she counted down the number of days left before my return during every phone call (which is odd, because she was not this anxious when I went to mainland China for a month in 2006). It made me feel like a space shuttle astronaut on the launchpad in Houston: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... you're back!

A good thing I had that meeting with L** because the next day, HK lady flipped out after reading my (very neutral, non-fingerpointing, pre-vetted by her boss & mine) trip report. Not only did she highlight various vitriolic comments in red, but then she cc'ed people up the food chain to the Asst. to the Chmn. of Asia (some of whome had never even seen said report to begin with), all the while calling people names. In writing. I didn't even have to reply because she basically came off as completely unprofessional, somewhat deranged, and pretty much managed to piss everyone off. (Notice a trend with her?)That doesn't mean, however, that I can't appreciate the beautiful scenery of Hong Kong, such as the photo up at the top of this post (sorry about the double negative there). It was taken on Lamma Island, which is also part of HK, and this particular shot overlooks the SW coast of HK Island, the "HQ" of the Hong Kong Special Administrative Region (SAR).

And there's the bauhinia flower just above, which is the official flower of the SAR, and used in their government inisgnia.

And I've also realized that I can go back to HK... as a pure vacation (!!!) using the frequent flier miles I've earned over the years, enough for business class. Hell, I never even made it to Macau, dammit! I imagine that it'd be a whole different experience to go there: Just. For. Fun.

Speaking of fun, last night's first date was fun indeed: we met for drinks @ Tir Na Nog,* [hi, Margaret!] which is near his office, and finally left when we realized it was 10:30pm. (Whoops!) While I don't know if I'll ever hear from this guy again, it was a fun evening (he's funny and smart and an engineer) and reminded me that there are indeed sane people out there in the dating world.

'Cos honestly, I'm just plain irritated by most of the guys out there. Either they are SO DAMN NEEDY that I understand why Greta Garbo became a recluse (another guy -- not Mr. Needy from last week -- sent me FIVE text messages in less than half an hour. I mean, WTF?!?!) or they have the conversational skills of a gnat ("Hi. How are you?" does not constitute a conversation, if that is your ENTIRE message!)

Perhaps I am just not ready to date again yet. Perhaps my 3 month estimate of when I would pull the plug was wildly overoptimistic. Perhaps I am just supercranky these days because I'm finally starting to deal with the fact that 2 of my best friends have moved away -- far, far away -- permanently. Perhaps I just need to meet someone sane!

My PoW said something tonight that made me crack up. Let's see if I can remember it... something along the lines of my not being comfortable with guys who need to have things spelled out (e.g., don't text message me 5 times in 30 minutes) because I am still not yet comfortable spelling things out without feeling guilty (e.g., I need some space, so back off).

And on that goofy note, I leave you all with a photo from the Causeway Bay area in HK. If the middle portion is a bit blurry (sorry) it's because I stitched 2 shots together and of course, the people have moved, the neons signs have changed, etc. etc.

* By the way, the Tir Na Nog page also has a run down on brewpubs in Manhattan & Brooklyn, for those of you into such beverages. Me, I had a half pint of cider on draft.

No translation needed

Okay, so one of the things I've been wondering after my HK debacle is whether I really DO like to travel, since I did after all put it as part of my various dating (boy am I starting to dislike that word) profiles. My main memories of HK do seem to consist of being frustrated, tired, unable to communicate, and lost. (Come to think of it, there's probably a reason why mom mom never was fond of southern Chinese folk, and mutual incomprehension is hardly likely to generate warm feelings on either side.) But looking at my friend's honeymoon photos from Italy convinced me (as if I needed further evidence) that I am thoroughly Western in my outlook and mentality since I felt much more "at home" looking at those shots than when I look at photos of China, HK, or Taiwan. (It also makes me want to revisit Italy, but that's a dream for another day -- and another exchange rate.)

Part of what I suspect made the difference between my time in HK and my vacations in China -- or any other country -- is that during vacation, I generally had very little structured time (rigidly scheduling multiple activities in an unfamiliar country where you don't speak the language is just a recipe for stress, in my view). So on vacation, it didn't matter if I got lost, or spent a while prowling through back streets (one of my favorite pastimes in Prague and Ireland), whereas if I was late in HK (usually because I was LOST) then I knew someone was waiting for me at the office, or at a meeting, or for dinner, etc. That puts a whole new spin on things.

It's sort of like the difference between an episode of The Amazing Race and an episode of Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, or between travelling with Veronica Lodge vs. Jughead. (By the way, I've always wondered what it's like to try to wrangle the incorrigible Mr. Bourdain for location shooting, and his director's blog entry, The One Thing You Don't Do, is hilariously enlightening.)

All of these ideas made me think of the importance of signage. Miami International Airport, for instance, has the WORST SIGNAGE EVER.

To demonstrate what I mean, imagine a normal street sign. Got it? Okay, now BEND that sign into a semicircle. With me so far? And NOW, put arrows on that street sign telling you where gate 52 is. Does that arrow actually point to the right? Or do they mean straight ahead? And who the f*ck thought curved directional signs was a good idea anyway?!

Have you EVER seen curved streets signs? I mean do THESE signs curve?? Granted, these signs are already a bit mind-boggling. Heh.

(By the way, you can click on any photo in my blog -- and probably anyone else's on blogspot.com -- and they will enlarge in a pop-up window.)

And the middle icon in the beach warning sign below from Cheung Chau really needs no captioning, does it? (You can read the bilingual explanations if you want to though.

Footnote re: Cheung Chau --
even though the signs were (relatively) straightforward, and there were many "You are HERE" maps everywhere, my companions and I still became hopelessly lost.

For example, this tourist map from a local resort -- as with many tourist maps -- is pretty useless: pretty, but useless. Whereas this hiking map seems more useful, but still left us lost.

(Additional sub-digression:
That is why the annual Hong Kong Directory is sold all over the city, and is about as big as the entire Rough Guide or Lonely Planet book for Hong Kong & Macau. The heavy guns are brought out for THAT resource, with maps which look like this and building name indexes, etc. ...but it usually still left me lost, as streets changed names and directions without warning, due to the terrain. I only wish I had bought the Hong Kong Public Transport Atlas early in my stay, to help save me from unexpected tours of HK while on a bus!)

But back to Cheung Chau (in case you forgot the original point of this rant) --
This confusion resulted in my locally-born & raised companions having many Cantonese conversations in which I did not participate. (Have mentioned that wandering around lost really sucks if you don't speak the local language? I did? Oh well. Just thought I'd mention it again.)

Of course there are some some which are supremely succinct (even lifelike!), and I will end today's post on that note.

Decisions, decisions

So the classic debate returns: if I see someone's photo and am completely unattracted, should I just skip to the next person's profile? Or should I really, really try to keep an open mind and see what happens? I'm not saying for those who make me think, "Well, maybe..." but rather, "Uh....um, maybe he just doesn't photograph well ...?" (Have I just answered my own question?)

I mean, there is a LOT to be said for a person's level or eloquence, humor, humility (I did decide to jettison Mr. "Catch of the Century" since he wasn't a fisherman), and intelligence. But there is also the "could I ever jump his bones?" factor to consider. Some of the former can definitely influence a lot of the latter, but by how much?

Agh. This is WORK, which is fine -- effort should be involved, showing that both sides really want a relationship -- but my secondguessing myself is driving me crazy. Plus, the system is so rigidly structured that I sometimes want to scream: must rate all 5 matches before you can proceed to stage 2, etc.

Good thing I signed up for only 3 months.

On to more cheerful topics, like Mr. Tea Master, on Cheung Chau.

He was very friendly and treated us to exquisitely brewed (expensive) tea while my purchases were being wrapped (dragonware porcelain tea set). It was heated to a precise 78 degrees Fahrenheit (which he says is the proper temperature for TRUE tea appreciation -- warm enough to bring out the flavor, cool enough not to scald your tongue). His driftwood table even has custom piping to ensure the correct temperature. There are also specialized tools (whose functions I've already forgotten) for preparing tea which I had never even seen before.

I mean, how could you NOT love a tea display like the one here? It looks like a set of precious magic herbs from a historical martial arts movie. And his store had an entire WALL of these packets -- this was just the store window facing the front porch area. He also had another wall of teas in giant tins (closer to the size of the commercial coffee urns seen in conference rooms), and 2 walls of teapots and tea sets, most with custom strainers built in -- Nifty!

[Burp]

So apparently I'm still kind of stressed. Because I'm still hoovering down food like a crazed llama.

It's a little better than it was, and I think that's partly a function of being less angry & frustrated, and partly a function of being home (as revoltingly messy as it is -- one thing about staying in that teeny studio apartment [with daily maid service] was that I became quite tidy; well, and I also had only about 5% of my possessions with me). Being home includes being able to wear my fuzzy robe and fuzzy slippers while using my non-Pentium III laptop & lounging on my beloved Green Monster, which by the way, would not even fit INTO most apartments in HK. (Come to think of it, my living room, though insanely cluttered, still feels bigger than the roughly equivalently sized studio in HK, possibly because there's no bed in my field of vision.) And oh yes, being at work, away from the kitchen cupboards...until this morning, that is.

In honor of this semi-compulsive eating, I have posted photos of some of the pastries I bought from Maxim's Bakery. The yummy round tart in the lower left of MY photo is an egg custard tart (drool) which I have loved since I was a kid. The odd lattice-covered bun contains chicken and mushrooms in cream sauce (I blame the odd British culinary heritage HK has absorbed from their colonial oppressors ;-P). The bun with chocolate chips on top was supposed to be a Hokkaido bun (with chocolate cream inside) but turned out to be some other variant, with no cream. The combined cost of that entire sack of pastries: US$4. (For some really amusing photos of the wild variety of wacky buns available in Chinese-style bakeries, check out this person's blog )

Oh yeah, the red car on the curving street to the left is one of the classic HK Island taxis (there are different colors for the different islands in HK: Kowloon, New Territories, etc. -- HK is a city the way that Hawai'i is actually a collection of islands with the largest one bearing the famous name) And ALL streets in HK Island are curving, due to the topography.

I think I'm somewhat calmer also because I've talked to my possible future boss, and he has indicated that the transfer is not a binary choice: it's not yes-now or no-forever. Rather, it's seems to have mutated into if-not-right-now, then maybe-early-next-year, after he may have relocated from Beijing to HK and various other administrative changes have occurred.

This option has made me feel a lot better because I would like to take the transfer, as there is just a whole cr*pload of mess to fix over there, and I actually AM the best person for the task, but not at the expense of my sanity. I've come to the conclusion that there appear to be several fundamentally incompatible views of work and personnel between East and West which were making my head want to explode in frustration. For example:

• West: Work-life balance is important, or at least should be acknowledged.
  
• East: What is this thing you call work-life balance?
• West: Skilled staff are important and should be developed.
• East: Who the hell cares? There are 1.3 billion more where they came from.
• West: Specific skills are important for specific jobs
  
• East: All people are interchangeable. (see above)
  
• West: Work smarter, not harder.
• East: Just throw more people at the problem, but whatever you do, don't spend money. (see above)
• West: What I'm saying may be appallingly blunt, but it's what I mean (generally).
• East: This is what I'm saying, but it's not what I actually mean (almost always).

If my future boss is on location, and since he is sufficiently senior, I would have support for any changes suggested. Otherwise, I'd just be pounding my head against the wall, while at the same time being tasked by corporate HQ in NY with the charge fix the mess. Clearly, that would just be the foundation for the makings of a medical leave where I'd go stare at the padded walls in a sanitarium.

Speaking of frustration, time to go get ready to see a cheap US$6 matinee of Iron Man (woohoo!) with my friend Sam. I'm looking forward to some Robert Downey, Jr.-fueled flippancy, and lots of rockets and rock music. Yee-haw! Catharsis be fun, homey!

And now, I leave with a shot of Hennessy Road at night, the main drag in the Wan Chai district. It can give perhaps just a hint of the frenetic pace of life in HK.

Out to pasture

While having these 3 days off to readjust my body clock has been a great mercy (and I think many pleasant thoughts at my boss for this chance to vegetate -- I mean the chance to catch up on my Tivo, with a paso doble set to "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard, or the Monday Night Football theme for the paso -- hee!) I think I really need to go back to work tomorrow, because I have been eating everything in sight! I am going to turn into a BLIMP!

Now I know why I am grazing like a demented llama (I am frustrated and angry about this whole Hong Kong mess) but knowing and stopping are two different things, so I am rapidly wiping out the weight loss which occurred in HK. Plus, I am not hiking up and down 45 degree streets to get anywhere -- NYC is completely flat in contrast.

Ah well, tomorrow is another day, one in which I will be far, far away from my kitchen cupboards. Hooray! Plus, I think it is time to get reacquainted with the gym, now that I've bought a new pair of sneakers to replace the ones which got destroyed by Typhoon Raccoon.

And in other cheerful news, they really take their paperfolding seriously in Asia. Check out Pikachu and Eeyore! And also, look closely at the watermelon in the snapshot underneath Eeyore. Wow!

Right now, I'm rotting what's left of my brain by watching more Tivo: Women's Murder Club, based upon a series by my friend Margaret's favorite author, James Patterson. Heh.

Later today, I'm off to Princeton to sit through a timeshare spiel for my free 5-day cruise to Bermuda. Like I said, 3 hours in exchange for 5 days (and nights)? I'll do it. Of course, I should at least UNPACK my clothes before I leave...um, I should also TAKE A SHOWER before I leave...it's so complicated being a slacker. ;-P

Pissed off

I am still awake. This is pissing me off. And I ate half a giant bag of Baked Lays. That is also pissing me off. Thinking about my late night conversation with my Hong Kong colleague is REALLY pissing me off. Basically, I am pretty pissed off. This all tends to tell me that I do not want to move to Hong Kong.

That about uses up my eloquence at this hour, so I am simply going to post some photos I took in HK.






Up, up, and away:
an example
of one of the classic ladder streets in HK

A storefront in Kowloon

Only YOU can prevent brushfires:
"FIrebeaters are only for putting out fires.
Please place back in the rack after using."
(a sign on Cheung Chau)

Munchies

So I know that I should be trying to go to sleep, trying to get my body clock readjusted to THIS side of the world, but I am having a case of the munchies, partly because I didn't eat that much for dinner, and it's now, um, 5 hours later, and partly because my colleague in Hong Kong royally pissed me off by calling @ 11:45pm. ("Oh, is this too late?" Gee, ya THINK?)

Bad enough that she called at that hour but then she shared some really fun work news with me that left me so aggravated that I get ticked off just thinking about it. Oh, and then she wished me a good evening, as I probably wanted to go to sleep. NOT BLOODY LIKELY NOW.

The whole thing makes me seriously question whether I want to transfer over to HK. I mean, for one thing, if she can't accept that I am NOT MOVING THERE PERMANENTLY (after repeated emphatic statements to that effect) then perhaps the only way she'll pay attention to that concept is when I REFUSE THE TRANSFER. So yes, I am now strongly considering turning down the offer.

Therefore, in order to soothe my aggravation, and calm myself before I graze my way through the kitchen, I am going to think of fun things, like finished baby sweaters and (heh) pandas.

The sweater on the right, which did eventually receive buttons before it went off to its new home, is made from a mixture of Cascade Sierra Quattro #88, Classic Elite Provence (whose color name I can't remember, but which I think of as bubblegum pink), and um, I forget what the green yarn is, besides soft & cottony. The new owner is really a ridiculously cute baby, tres Gerberesque: plump cheeks, rosebud lips, fair skin, and big blue eyes. It was paired off with the hilariously rude "Chinese toys taste better" baby t-shirt from T Shirt Hell which the parents found very amusing, as they live in Beijing and work in product safety and liability insurance. Heh!

I also surfed across a Chinese travel show on Chengdu featuring my favorite bears, da xiong miao (a/k/a pandas). As I mentioned in a previous post, they can shred your clothes without meaning to (yikes!) but they are still irresistibly cute (well, to me anyway). They make me smile and calm me down. (It's hard to remain furious when you're grinning like a sap.)

And in other pleasant news, I came home to find some messages telling me that I won a free 5-day cruise for 2 to Bermuda, based on a sweepstakes entry I filled in during the New York Times Travel Show. What's the catch, you ask? Simple: I need to sit through a 1-hr. timeshare spiel...somewhere in NJ. Hmmm...3 hours of my life (including travel time to/from wherever it is) in exchange for a free cruise on Royal Caribbean's Explorer of the Seas? Tempting.

I'd have a year to use it, and the tickets are transferable. Now I know that I'd be put in an interior stateroom (let's be realistic here: free = least desirable accommodations) but still...also, my tay in HK has prepped me for small quarters. Okay, maybe not THIS small, but you get the idea.

All this posting and I still want to eat. I guess this means I really am hungry. Although really, my stay in HK has completely wrecked my ability to eat healthfully. Oh you mean I can eat all sorts of greasy food, be fed constantly throughout a 16-hr. flight, and STILL lose weight? These are not the concepts that will help maintain a healthy lifestyle. Argh.

Nothing

That is what I had planned for today (Saturday, April 26th) and I cannot TELL you how excited that made me. Friday was ostensibly a day off, but scheduling 2 apartment viewings, a lunch with a friend, and the new Jet Li - Jackie Chan movie, well, I was exhausted. So today, after sleeping late (YES!) I spent the afternoon in my extremely comfortable feathertop bed watching The Aviator before venturing outdoors.

That's my building, Shama Midlevels, to the left, which goes up to 21/F. I'm on 7 which in the US would be 8. Like I said, practically every building in HK is a sliver building. I mean, just look at the street to the right: the verticality of this city is insane. There's a reason that cabbies put the parking brake on during every red light. (And don't even get me started on the cabbie who spoke no English or Mandarin and got lost trying to take me back to my apartment earlier this week. I finally wound up walking home part of the way that night ... very slowly down a steep, curving [blind curve, natch] side street.) And the more apartments I see, the more I realize that I was very lucky in landing such a pleasant flat.

As for steep stairs, Rocky was a wuss: for a REAL training workout, he should have run up and down the aptly named Ladder Street or perhaps Aberdeen Street for a more scenic jaunt.

So okay, around 4pm (errr... I did feel a little slothful at leaving the building at that late hour) after bequeathing all of my butter, sugar, milk, etc upon Carli, the South African expat on the 9th floor, I toted my bits and pieces over to the office to await my return (tupperware, plastic wrap, measuring cups, etc.) It was also a chance to see if I could manage to take public transit to the office without getting lost. (Success!)

Then I wandered around looking for a place to eat near the famous Midlevels escalator (see pic on right) after I refilled my prepaid HK cellphone with some cheap minutes.

These semi-aimless meanderings often lead me to find interesting scenes like the electrical goods store on the left (holy...!) or the temple surrounded by high rises and "antiques" shops.

Appropriately enough, the temple is also framed by a backdrop of a real estate ad, for apartments owned by a hospital. (Tungwah Hospital actually owns quite a lot of properties... hmmm...) The photo at the bottom of this post will give an idea of the density of buildings here.

Oh, and you know how I mentioned that it's always humid here? Well apparently in warm weather, it's either humid, or on fire watch: which is so helpfully (and alarmingly) indicated by symbol #17 on the TV weather status ticker.

And I did manage to find a tasty tagliatelle dish in expat ghettoland (at one point I looked around and saw NO ASIANS) at a little cafe named Portobello. It's in HK's Soho, which stands for South of Hollywood Rd. (or perhaps more accurately: See Only Homogenous Occidentals).

Anyway, I've managed to pack AND do laundry (!) this evening, but not, er, write any postcards for the whole trip yet (except for one -- hey, I was too busy being worked to death!) so I will toddle off now, and FINALLY catch my twice-postponed flight home in the morning.

Motivation

...to learn Cantonese, after my cabbie last night was hopelessly lost. I actually KNEW how to get home (for a change) but only in English. DOH! He did not speak English or Mandarin, and so we wandered around the maze of one way streets that is HK Island. Finally, I couldn't take it any more and told him to let me out (not much English needed for THAT) and I walked the rest of the way home (only 10 min.)

So unless I want to remain permanently quarantined in the expat ghettos of HK, I will need to polish my Cantonese, as there are not enough Mandarin speakers out there to keep me safe from my own idiocy.


There's also motivation to finish this last competitor profile report today (ARGH) which is why I'm up at 4am local time, using the crappy company laptop.


I'll say one thing about my technological travails this month: it's tought me more patience with the 'puters. Instead of yelling, I simply wait for the damn little hourglass to finish twirling (or whatever). Well, I could either accept it or have my head explode. I choose option (b): non-exploding head.

Kind of like how I have simply accepted that it's not a question of whether, bu WHEN, I will get lost while going to meet someone somewhere that is not my apt or either office building that our department is housed in. Just double the amount of travel time for local residents and that might do it for me.


Speaking of glitzy (or non) office towers, the photo above is our flagship (?) building in Hong Kong when it's all lit up at night. Neat, eh?


So yes, I have about 24 hours left (!) in my trip here, after I switched my original departure date to Saturday instead of Friday. Somehow the idea of having a 7pm business meeting and then having to get ready for a 7am departure to the airport was causing me just a WEE freakin' bit of stress. So thanks to the magic of business class tickets, I switched the date without a penalty.


And no, I am no clearer about my job offer / relocation package here. Had a meeting with local HR this morning (finally) after which I realized that I was no closer to an answer: I wanted to know the info on certain subsidies before I accepted, and they were holding off on calculating the exact figures until I accepted. You see the problem, yes? It's a good thing I'm picking up the zen thing, or my head really would make like a Bill Plympton 'toon and go BOOM!