I give up (a/k/a let it go)

So according to my iGoogle horoscope for today:

Much of your inner turmoil may not be obvious today, but that doesn't mean it's nonexistent. You may feel as if you are heading into the unknown because you don't know exactly what others are feeling. The more you try to fill in the missing pieces of the puzzle, the more anxious you become. Take a few deep breaths and let go of your need to solve all the problems in one day.

By Rick Levine

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

I've actually found that the Google horoscopes are reasonably on target, scarily enough. Today's in particular seemed in sync, since I've kind of smoothed out, re: the guy thing. I'm not going to hold my breath re: The Engineer, as he seems casual (not cavalier, just casual) and casual will not work for me for anything serious. Therefore, I can't really take him seriously...or rather, I'm going to quit feeling so deadly serious about the whole thing, especially since I am meeting The Lehman guy for drinks after work Friday (hi Margaret!)

Since my last relationship developed with all of the slow stealthiness of an Amtrak Acela train, it may just be that I'm still getting the hang of this take-it-slow & decide about Everything later. Quite a bit later. Truly a novel idea for me, I know, but I'm giving it a whirl.

One thing I've noticed -- which I hate, and which I wish I could just always pre-emptively squash -- is that dating sometimes (frequently / usually) brings out all of my less than confident, less than calm attributes. Hate it. Hate. It.

On the flip side, it is nice getting compliments from guys who I find interesting (duh! -- and in other exciting news: the sky is blue [above my mom's apt] ... BTW, doesn't she have a spectacular view? Maybe I have inherited her view karma)

Engineer Guy has said nice things about my hair and the dress I wore last week (wait till he sees the new Frock) and Lehman Guy has joked that my Simpsonized self looks hot. (I'm treating it as a joke since NO ONE looks good in the Simpsonverse... either that, or that bridesmaid photo is rocking his world ... once again, HI MARGARET! heh)

All that happy news even allows me to be sanguine (well, 3 hours later) about the fact that THAT WOMAN from HK called me at home. Again. After I specifically sent her an e-mail replying to her voicemail message on my cellphone that no, I do NOT remember my password to XYZ database. Despite my caller ID saying Private Name, I knew it was her and let it go to my machine... until she started saying that she was going to start calling my coworkers AT HOME (@ 10:30pm!) since maybe THEY had the password engraved on their foreheads.

Okay that last phrasing was mine, but the intent was the same. I wound up yelling at her (what else is new?) to NOT CALL THEM since I know that my boss and my coworker Julia both get up before dawn (yes, even now, in summer) to travel in for 2 hours from NJ every morning, and they do NOT keep the password list at home. Basically, I told her (somewhat more politely than this:) to suck it up and deal with not getting an INSTANT RESPONSE as it was just not possible. Too damn bad.

I was furious and fired off a note to HER boss (who would have been my boss, had I transferred) that he should not tell her to go ahead and call everyone in NY (which he did, according to her) since we don't keep the freaking password list at home, and since some of us are probably going to be laid off shortly anyway! (Translation: Bite me.)

Thank g*d I had a chance to visit HK before I accepted that hardship post!

Okay, I'm going to grab some shut eye now. Thanks for listening, you guys -- just knowing that you know helps me not go completely batty. 90% of the way there, maybe, but not totally gone. ;-)