Vocabulary Words

I have no idea what this trippy [though delightful] photo is,
 but clearly my iphone6 was awake at the wheel when I wasn't.

So my new favorite word of the year is oophorectomy (which I mentioned recently). Today was my pre-surgical testing day: bloodwork, EKG (ECG? the one where they tape electrodes to your pulse points), chest x-ray, lots and lots of medical questionnaires, etc. The anesthesiology nurse was interested to hear that I am really cheap date: after previous procedures, I'd wake up long after their estimates.

Medical Staff: [Ms. Squirrel] should be awake in about 45 minutes.

[Two hours later. . .] "Um . . . you may now join her in the recovery room."

There's some technical term for this, but of course, I've totally forgotten it, since I have truly sucky recall these days. (chemo brain + menopausal fog + stress = what did you say?) In any case, it's a genetic trait, since Squirrelmom and Squirrelsis are the same way -- the anesthesia, not the forgetfulness.

Say "HI!" to either Patience or Fortitude --
 I never know which NYPL lion is which.
In any case, I really need both of their qualities these days!

The red letter day will be February 14th (hee! loving the irony) since the surgeon only operates on Saturdays and that was the first slot (pun intended) available when I asked in January. I'll be under general anesthesia, but it will be a laparoscopic removal, so no giant incision (yay!) -- just 3 small ones instead.

We'll skip over the giant pre-op checklist they gave me, except to say that I agreed to donate an extra vial of blood towards research, a small enough way to pay it forward. [Squirrelsis and I were also taking care of paperwork at the bank today, so I had lots of practice following the "sign here . . . and here . . . and here" instructions.]

The 7 test tubes of blood also allowed me to rationalize a protein & iron-rich dinner at The Comfort of deviled eggs and fried chicken livers, washed down by 1911 hard cider and lots of water. Yep, gentrification of Grand Street on the Lower East Side is not all bad. (CeCeCat [a\k\a TripleC, a la my friend Sussi] also wins from the arrival of Pet Island II.)

As much as I love the 2 ladies pictured below, I am WILDLY EXCITED to have a few days off after my surgery: my sister is kidnapping Mom for a week, and my co-worker D. is thrilled to be catsitting the Pinball Pussycat again for that same week. (My incisions are going to be small, but they still won't appreciate a 7+ lb. cat trampolining off my belly.)

Another thing I am looking forward to? My chemically induced, super annoying, peri-menopause will be converted into a permanent, biological, post-menopausal state. SO YES!

Snugglebuddies: Squirrelmom, TripleC, and twice-repaired Monkey.

My stalwart friend Marci will be accompanying me to and from the procedure at Sloan-Kettering, and then I will only have to use 4 PTO days after the Presidents' Day holiday to get a whole week off ( or 9 days, if you count the weekends and outpatient operation day itself).

Now I only have to get through 8 more workdays before I have a vacation. (Yes, my life is THAT thrilling, such that recovering from a medical procedure counts as decadent idleness!) So I'd better get to sleep before I snarl and bite someone's head off in the morning conference call.

Note to self: This had better NOT be my Out Loud Voice!

Doing It Right

Rhinebeck 2012 - a\k\a The NY State Sheep & Wool Festival
Yes, last year, but the yarn porn is still luscious.

There is an account on Twitter named Cat Food Breath written by some hilarious human from their cat's point of view. I laughed when s/he tweeted, "If you're home on Saturday night with your cat, you're doing it right." So yeah, I'm doing it right.

Honestly, I'm very happy to be here, chilling out with Emily, my face-palming yoga kitty.  She is a calm and affectionate cat, very quiet, who rarely meows unless she's accidentally locked out (oops -- then she lets loose an unearthly yowl at tremendous volume [my mom found that story hilarious] ) or when I'm about to feed her some of her new wet food (Nature's Variety Instinct, which is 95% meat and US-sourced) made from rabbit, venison, or lamb -- she seems to have become allergic to the duck. Ironically, the SPCA recommended the duck because she was allergic to who-knows-what, most likely chicken and fish.

Yes, I know, I sound like the crazy about my cat lady. To seal the deal, here is a photo of her, since she had not entered my life yet when I stopped writing in here in May of 2011. (Her adoptaversary is Sept. 16, 2011.)

"I can't believe mom is watching Criminal Minds AGAIN."

Emmy has been a godsend during my transition to working at home 80% of the time, since her undemanding companionship has kept me from completely losing what's left of my mind.

Our company has decreed that my team may have 2 full-time cubes for 7 people. Yes, really. When we go in once a week, we have to book a hotel space (read: cubicle) somewhere in the building. Yes, that is indeed a total pain in the patootie.  Part of my depression this summer may stem from the isolation, since as my friend Marci pointed out, I am one of the most social people she knows, and SHE used to work in theater!

So at the suggestion of my friend Dale, I am bumping it up to TWO consecutive days a week, for the sake of both logistics and my sanity. That way I can lock up the laptop overnight and not have to haul it around constantly, schedule meetings over 2 different work days, meet some friends for lunch, etc. There is also something to be said for actual face-to-face contact to transmit info. E-mail has its limits, as does my inbox. Plus, I need to remember how to act among my corporate cohorts (good point Dale) since I was turning into a total slob: it took 4 months, but I did devolve into working in my PJs.

Rhinebeck, October 2012 -
what Central Park is starting to look like only NOW...in November!

Speaking of digging my way out from under, evidently my long, rational discussion with my new brother-in-law (for the sake of brevity, I will refer to him henceforth as BIL#2) had only alleviated my anger at my sister briefly. BIL#2 and I carefully and diplomatically discussed the causes of my door-slamming outburst the morning after it happened. BIL#2 seems like a reasonable person, and his family are lovely salt-of-the-earth Brooklynites, who sound nothing like Bugs Bunny. Coincidentally, I noticed that I was notably calmer at work the next week, because I had finally, after a YEAR, gotten to express some of my feelings.

My furious outburst in my recent post (which represented MY feelings, not everyone else's) made me realize I'm still a long way from over my frustration with my sister. The rest of my family has probably worked out their issues long ago, but it's taken me a long time to get to this point (i.e., acknowledging that I'm STILL really angry since we went from being very close to "I might as well not have a sibling" ).      

And last but not least, my MRI found no trace of cancer in my giant skull. Many thanks to my friend Ellen for bugging me to finally call my oncologist.  For some reason, onco-doc had forgotten to call me back with the results, even though she had sent the info to my GP, whom I saw for part 1 of my annual physical on Thursday. Monday I'm going back to my ophthalmologist for a follow-up about my crazy, lazy eyeballs, that have been giving me headaches. (And people wonder why I want to haul back and clock the asshat Republicans who try to kill Obamacare.)

But to prove that a healthy cerebellum does not necessarily equate to good taste, here's a photo of my guilty pleasure heartthrob (ever since the early 1990s-- hey, I'm consistent!) from his new movie and directorial debut, MAN OF TAI CHI. Considering Karen Mok and Simon Yam are both in it as well, I may have to buy this, since it's legally available online via my cable company.

Not bad for a 49 year old, eh?

And NOW, time to set all the clocks back and enjoy an extra hour of sleep tonight. WOOHOO!

Numb3rs

So yes, I've been gone for a loooong time from here. It's been a busy month. Or 5-6 weeks. Taxes. Another reorg at work. (And no, I don't know how many that makes over the past few years.) Got my health tests back from MSKCC after a scare about a possible lump in my OTHER boob (yeah, those were the most miserable 2-3 weeks in recent memory until after the all-clear, and left me noticeably foul-tempered at work).


But now, I'm generally more cheerful. I'm still employed (with fabbo health insurance) and have gotten better at not letting the inanity / insanity at the office get to me. Try (usually successfully) to visit my mom every Monday so we watch DANCING WITH THE STARS together (heh). My family is healthy and doing well. I can even finally see the floor in my bedroom again. Hanging out with my real-life friends here locally is also part of my routine.


And as those stats in the photo up above show, I have been writing up a storm (hence, kinda quiet here) and making writing friends, as well as general goofing-off friends via Twitter and Tumblr. (Warning: that link to my Tumblr account may be full of amusement, especially if you know the way my mind works, but don't read the stories unless you want your eyelids seared with smut. Just sayin' ;-p)


In addition to all of that, I have started noticing the opposite sex again (translation: severely crushing on a writer, as my 100th Tumblr post shows) so I say it's time to start dating again! Will take a deep breath and call IT'S JUST LUNCH to see how much they cost. My wall unit savings account can be redirected to the "get me to relearn how to socialize" fund instead. Since my Pearl of Wisdom wisely pointed out that my last two relationships left a few things to be desired (not going to get into the details of our problems here, I can can definitely recognize the things she mentioned) so it's not surprising that I'm ambivalent about the idea of EVER marrying. Heck, just getting back into the swing of things will be a novelty for me. It's been almost exactly one year since I broke up with The Engineer, so yeah, it's time.


And one that note, I am going to immerse myself in my new Adele: 21 CD which is FANTASTIC. That woman has chops! And since I never watch the Grammys, I didn't know she'd won any. Instead, I was introduced to her vocal prowess in my across the hall neighbor's living room, via his blow-black-your-hair home theater system. I am in aural adoration mode (with Adele -- my 20 year old TV shows I'm not that bothered about home theater stuff).

Vacation map (almost)

Happily, my friends in Kyoto and all of their relatives are fine. The rest of the country, not so much...

Source: http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/dyfi/events/us/c0001xgp/us/index.html

So just imagine, um, squinting and looking at this map with my itinerary overlaid: HK, Shanghai, Tokyo, Kyoto, maybe Guilin...

Okay, time to leave the office now. Yes, NOW. (Have I mentioned how much my job is aggravating me these days?)



.

Squee!

Work has been hellacious lately (lather, rinse, repeat) and whenever that happens, I start thinking about (a) updating my resume, and/or (b) planning my next vacation. In this case, I did both, but I'm going to talk about only the fun part here.

You know how I've been diligently accumulating all of my frequent flyer miles over the years for a return trip to Asia in business class? Well I'm finally about to pull the trigger as they say!

I had had a reservation on American for NYC - Shanghai || HK - NYC, but due to a glass of wine at dinner last night (yes, I am such a lightweight) I completely forgot that it expired at midnight last night, and NOT today, as my tiny pea brain thought. Oops.

Well hey, I've been trying to be more mellow about things lately (and sometimes it even works). In this case, I looked upon it as an opportunity to see if I could wangle a different itinerary (since you NEVER EVER get non-stop flights from A to B when using miles, from my experience). Since I wanted to build a multi-leg trip (instead of a straight round trip), and American therefore insisted routing me thru various connections, I thought I'd turn that to my advantage. (Note: the human touch worked so much better than the website in this case --> worth the phone time waiting for them to tweak SABRE.)

Et voila! I will now also be exploring Tokyo and Kyoto on my upcoming trip! All 4 legs of my trip are in business class (YES!) and I will be travelling thusly (bold legs are FF tickets):

1. NYC - Toronto - Hong Kong (short layover in Toronto, Cathay Pacific to HKG)
2. Hong Kong - Guilin (Chinese airlines are quite reasonable)
3. Guilin - Shanghai
4. Shanghai - Tokyo Narita (Japan Airlines)
5. Tokyo - Kyoto - Tokyo on the bullet train (have a friend in Kyoto, and Tokyo's a little overwhelming on my own, so probably more time in Kyoto, which is prettier from what I hear [less bombing from WWII])
6. Tokyo Haneda - JFK (non-stop on American)

All told, I will be gone for 2 weeks, but with Memorial Day and a few business meetings sandwiched in, I should NOT blow 75% of my annual vacation days, maybe only 50% instead. Bonus!

So I've e-mailed all of my buddies in HK and Shanghai, and my friend Brian and his wife (hi Brian!) are not only going to help me reconnect with the people I met a few years ago, but also meet new contacts, what with the endless restructuring gyrations that have been going on within the company.

Hence, a photo of Chinese food to start this post with (heh) courtesy of Kam Man Foods here on Canal Street. (There are several other branches, if you want to explore their website.)

Today I've spent mostly on the phone with American, instead of prepping my taxes (ah well, there's always next weekend -- oh wait: I'm meeting my sister for a girl's weekend then, where I will also go to her hairdresser and finally ditch my grey hair). Ooops, better get cracking with that tax stuff soon!

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to try to get up early (stop laughing so hard! I can hear you from here!) and go to Sloan for blood tests before work. Then the results will be ready for my oncologist when I go see her on Thursday for my quarterly check up. If all goes well on Thursday, then I get upgraded to a semi-annual visit.

Tonight, I leave you with this clip of some haunting piano music from a recent episode of CRIMINAL MINDS (insert fangirl squealing: here) which has been on loop in my home, that and another song I discovered recently called Inner Smile (Scottish band named after a US state that hit the UK charts, recommended by a woman in Cyprus, where the official video showing the female lead singer REALLY resembling Elvis: dizzy yet?).

Here's a link to the official Inner Smile video, filmed in 2000 wherein the very attractive female lead singer resembles Elvis to a startling degree. The whole theme of the video (which is really very clever) is a '60s style tribute to Elvis and reminds me why k.d. lang used to be so appealing. Check out the official video for Constant Craving if you need a refresher/reminder.

The video BELOW is of an autistic character, and the music has obsessed the show's fans ever since the episode aired. What do you think, folks? Catchy tune, eh?

Thundersnow!

So yesterday's forecast was for 4-6 inches of snow. BZZZZZT! Survey says: 15" of snow in Central Park today. Unlike the usual Chicken Little routine of local meteorologists (or as my friend Sam mockingly calls it "Death Storm 20xx") they actually severely underestimated the snowfall. Plus, we had thundersnow -- that's twice in one winter.

Speaking of odd natural phenomena -- why are there still leaves on the trees in the traffic circle?! It's January, fer pete's sake.

Lessee, what else is going on? Well, I realized the other night that on January 30th, it will be exactly two years since my surgery. Holy tostitos, Batman!

That realization was an odd moment. On the one hand, it feels like so much longer than that. (Really? You mean I had four decades of life PD? [pre-diagnosis]) On the other, it seems like not so long ago. I guess two years is not that long, relatively speaking, but I remember with crystal clarity the day my doctor called with the fun news (12/30/08).

Of the 10 bullet points I listed in my previous post (I actually remembered more later) I accomplished exactly... one-half of one item during my staycation. Heh. My entryway area is now very tidy. Oh, and I did lots of laundry (clean clothes -- what a novelty!)

What did I do instead, you may ask? Why I wrote almost 10,000 words of fanfiction. (Yes, the superdork sign is flashing in neon lights above my head right now.) I find it absolutely flabbergasting that my stories have had over 5,000 hits, with over 3,000 visitors, and 40+ people (all complete strangers) subscribed to my work! Holy cr*p! As the Brits would say, I'm all chuffed :)

Besides the ego boost, the writing is actually sort of therapeutic, as my Pearl of Wisdom has helped me realize that I identify so strongly with certain characters because hey, the guy is very emotionally reserved (sound like anyone we know? oh yeah -- my last 2 exes. oh, and MY DAD) and the woman is outwardly confident but trundling around a wheelie full of baggage inside (ahem. no comment).

Yeah, Pearl is all pleased that I'll be working on some of my Issues "using a creative outlet". I find that I really do enjoy writing (heck, I even incorporated my panda fetish into the stories -- HA! so there!) and now I sort of understand why sometimes real (professional) authors say things like, "I honestly had no idea my characters were going to do that." Huh.

And now I can truly appreciate (quite viscerally) just how much work goes into well-crafted stories. Yow.

Okay, lunch time is OVAH.

Yeah, NYC public schools are all closed today (!) -- as well as "all non-essentiall NYC personnel" -- and yet my employer is still open. Boo!

(Ironic footnote: I leapt out of bed waaaay more promptly this morning than usual, in order to check to see if our office was officially closed. Heh.)

Weekend(s) in New England

So okay, I've always had a hidden fondness for this old Barry Manilow song, and since I've visited Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Maine, and Connecticut during the past 3 weekends, I figure I'm entitled to use it as my lead in. Heh.

The photo above, and at the end of this post are from Boston, during Halloween weekend, when I visited my friend Tamara. The photo right below is from my sister's front yard, where both she and I love the vivid red of her Japanese maple trees in the fall.

Despite the depressing round of layoffs last week (and the suspicion that there may be more in a few months), on the bright side, 1) I'm still employed, 2) with health coverage that sends me to MSKCC, 3) where my antigen tests all came back negative at the end of October. (Time for the quarterly happy dance!) Next check up is in March, and if I do well then, I'll graduate to semi-annual checkups! Woohoo!

By the way, dunno if I mentioned this before, but there is a certain habit doctors have which is understandable in terms of WHY they do it, but still makes you want to put your head on the table. I refer of course, to the classic exchange of "Does this hurt?" [poke, poke, poke] "YES! OW!!!!"

So the oncologist was examining me during my checkup at the end of October, and feeling for any new lumps (none, thank goodness) on both sides of my torso. This was when we both discovered that my left side is still extremely sensitive, and hurts when jostled, poked, or otherwise insulted, even though the surgery was almost 2 years ago (January 2009).

Her: "I see that this side is still tender." [poke, poke, poke]
Me: "Yes! Ow! OW!! OW!!!"
Her: "Yes, that's normal."
Me: [whimper]

Now don't get me wrong -- I like my onco-doc, and she needed to do that, but still: EEK!!! Ya know?

Yesterday's check up was with the surgeon, who was very pleased with my healing. Despite some slight keloidal scarring (what can ya do? the joys of an olive complexion; plus in the scheme of things, I don't really care, considering the alternatives) he pronounced himself very pleased with my progress, "A good result!" and said my next checkup with him would be in a year. Hurrah!

And I was amazed and warmed by the number of friends who posted happy comments on Facebook when I reported my avuncular, bow-tied surgeon's progress report. Wow.

I also cracked up said surgeon with my comments that it (the surgical scar) almost looks like a coin pocket, and about the poke-poke-poke issue. "Yes, doctors can be a pain, can't they?" (See? I told you I liked my surgeon.) Hey, did he make a joke?! I mean, he WAS smiling when he said that. Hmmm...

Speaking of health matters, I've been struggling with my weight lately but I signed up for the new WW session at work. Right now I seem to be going through a lot of stress / angry eating (which is extremely frustrating, since it has NOTHING to do with actual hunger -- it's never about the food: it's always about The Issues Underneath) but eventually I'll get my noshing under control (I think...). In the meantime, at least I'm gnawing on less bad-for-me food than I used to (e.g., roast chicken and roasted squash vs. fish & chips, or Kame rice crackers vs. potato chips) and eating better breakfasts (what is this croissant thing you speak of? I have not had one for years).

Okay, time to haul myself off to work. Ciao, y'all!

Mixed signals

So we had more layoffs today. It was very depressing. My department is fine, but our division had 5 people let go, 4 of whom sat near me.

So I suppose that when our Chief Administrative Officer jokes with me about having Security escort me out in the evenings (because I frequently work late -- though I have yet to meet the cleaning staff at least), this is not a bad thing.

And our Managing Director had a fun, fun day telling each department that reported to him the cheery news in closed door meetings, so I admire him for that.

We got several bounceback messages from people throughout the company this afternoon, so clearly today was a busy day for HR.

Ugh.

Have I mentioned that Open Enrollment for next year's health care benefits starts tomorrow? Repeat after me: continued employment = continued health insurance coverage, so buried somewhere under my moroseness, there is thankfulness. Honest.

Right now though, I am going to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.

The Bee Gees

Just a howdy to say that I'm still alive (be grateful I don't post a link to a Stayin' Alive video here to emphasize the point). Lots going on (and yes, my quarterly checkup at MSKCC was fine -- yay, team) but I just don't feel very communicative lately. I think I need to go vent in my journal or something.

Well, the only decent thing about Daylight Savings Time (blech -- now it gets dark after 4ish in the afternoon) was that I at least got to catch up on some sleep: 20 hours this weekend, so I either had some severe sleep deficits going, or I'm a little depressed, or both.

Speaking of sleep, I'm going to bed (yes, at a shockingly decent hour) since I am on a perpetual quest these days to get to the office at a decent time, since I now sit in the fishbowl near a managing director.

Signed,
Your cranky friend in New Yawk City
where the leaves are finally starting to turn

Happy anniversaries & RTBT

So exactly a year ago today, I finished my last radiation treatment. I think that deserves a big "Yippee!" Don't you?

Thinking about that milestone makes me happy, and puts a smile on my face.

And thanks to the wonderful / weird / wonderfully weird world of Facebook, my upcoming 25th high school reunion this Saturday (oh my, I am THAT old... even my mom was amazed: "really? it's been 25 years?" yes, Mom, it has) strikes me as lots of fun and not angst-inducing. (By the way, The Social Network [a/k/a The Facebook movie] is very engrossing, even if you never use FB. It's more a story about creation, litigation, and shades of grey, plus it has a script by Aaron Sorkin, music by Trent Reznor, and solid acting.)

Thanks to the initiative of my friend Jane, the urging of coworker Dennis, and my memories of never photographing so well as I did during Jane's wedding, I will be following along behind Jane on Saturday to see the fabulously talented Laura Nadeau. Alas, no superfancy hairstylist a la Jenny, but yes, I am actually making an effort to go all girlie. Shocking, I know, but that's what a major reunion can do to even the most un-girlie girl.

The dress is something I bought years ago but have never worn. Through all of the ups and downs of my health rollercoaster the past few years, it has now ironically turned out to be just about a perfect fit, or will be after I have my mom shorten the hem to just above the knee. Like it?

The red bits are the satin "belt" that comes with the dress. I even have a matching clutch (please, pick yourselves up off the floor -- hopefully you didn't give yourselves concussions when reading that).

Oh, and today, we moved my desk from out of the fishbowl lane at the office (right on the outer corner of the aisle near the pantry, where everyone could see what was on my monitor/screen and each scrap of paper on my desk) to a cubicle one aisle further in, and one row further away from the traffic flow. HALLELUJAH! (When I told my mom about the original fishbowl position, she burst out giggling. Yes, giggling. Now you KNOW it's a horrible spot in the cubicle farm if even my mom laughs, as she normally reminds me -- and I agree -- that I should be happy to have a job.)

Speaking of jobs, I need to go to bed, so I will leave you with this song for your amusement, courtesy of my weekend immersion in NPR: The Vaselines play "Sex with an X," on Studio 360. I find the lyrics vastly amusing.

Option Three

pedestal sink anyone?

So when confronted with the options of [1] laundry (and you all know how much I love that). [2] cleaning out and rearranging my kitchen (now that's it's cool enough to make cooking appealing again -- just bought some Japanese turnips at the farmers market near me), or [3] hiding from it all and taking a nap on a cool Sunday afternoon, guess which one sounds most appealing?

(looooong pause for a nap)

Actually, I think the need for napping (in addition to the 10 hours of sleep I had last night) is a combination of factors: (a) I'm either fighting off some wicked-nasty fall allergies [though possibly it's the stupid new office building and its new carpeting and construction dust], (b) a fall cold, or (c) I'm avoiding dealing with a whole bunch of emotional crap.

an early turner in Central Park

And while re-reading a post from a year ago, wherein I mention both Japanese turnips and my now ex, reminds me of just how many things can happen in a year, it doesn't make me think that I made the wrong call in breaking up with him. Quite the contrary (which doesn't mean I'm not still trying to wipe off the emotional residue, if you'll pardon the double negative).

Re-reading that post also made me realize: holy crap! I finished radiation treatments exactly one year ago this Tuesday, October 19th! I think tonight's belated celebration of my friend Marci's birthday at Kittichai will have to include a celebratory glass of wine to mark that occasion. (I was out of town for her actual birthday, and on Mondays only, they have a hot pot special, so since last Monday was Bloody Bloody Sexypants [also with Marci], tonight will be the foodfest. Hmmm... apparently Mondays nights will be full of droolworthy events, for one reason or another. Heh.)

Regardless of whatever the reason for the desire for lots of sleep, it is long past my bedtime now, and so I am just leaving you all with a photo from my friend Curt's happy place, Flora Grubb [top photo] and two shots from my hour long walk through Central Park yesterday (Saturday), for which my right knee is distinctly displeased with me today (Sunday).

All of these shots were taken with my trusty little LG VX11000 cellphone (a/k/a LG enV Touch) and then touched up on my Maxi-Squirrel (the Dell Vostro 1500 laptop), as opposed to my Mini-Squirrel (the Dell Mini 10 netbook).

Back to the grind

Had a brain cramp this past week and completely forgot to "refill" my commuter card for the coming month (duh!) so I will have to pay for the next 40 days of subway fare from post-tax money. DOH!

And I am also teetering on the brink of total overdraft disaster at the bank (yes, I have an overdraft protection account, but I have been using it way too often lately) so refilling my MetroCard until payday on Thursday should be interesting.

So you could say that I have indeed fallen back to earth with a thump. I mean, hey, we don't get Columbus Day off at our company either, so today was (a) a workday, and (b) started off by my locking myself out of the network at the office since I mistyped my LAN password 3 times (two words: case sensitive).

After a helpful chat with the Help Desk, I cleared out a little under 300 e-mails from my inbox this morning (my eyes felt like they were crossing by the last dozen or so). Tomorrow, I rescheduled a checkup with my onco-doc since I still have to finish my third quarter billing (sssshh! we got an extension -- don't tell my boss or she might have apoplexy).

I leave you all with two things: (1) this lovely view of the lower Manhattan skyline taken at the South Street Seaport during sunset this summer, [both my old office building and the new one -- 4 blocks further from the subway -- are in the shot] and (2) the plaintive question as to when I can leave for my next vacation?

(Lest you all think I am ungrateful: I love Love LOVE being employed! I do! And I especially adore my health insurance! Yes indeed! I just really enjoyed my vacation and liked it LOTS. Heh.)

Back home

Chez Squirrel may be messy (ummm... why do various friends keep asking if I'm going to guest star on an episode of Hoarders?) and lack any discernible / unified design aesthetic (staying in my friend Curt's truly fabulous loft in San Francisco has made me acutely aware of this -- one of his patio plants was so visually pleasing that I'm using it as my new cellphone wallpaper) but damn it is good to be home.

Cluttered and unchic though it is (one day, the cluttered part will be more under control -- I swear! really!) I love my home because -- if you'll excuse the somewhat circular logic -- it's mine (well, excluding the large chunk owned by the mortgage company). I mean, I also love all of the friends I visited in SF, whom I've known for 15 - 25 years each (holy... !!! when our young waiter heard that Curt and I had known each other for 25 years, he was flummoxed... probably because that's most of his lifespan!) but as I get older, no matter how much I enjoy zooming around to other parts of the world, I'm always happy to come home to my little lair.

This is especially true when United helpfully delays my flight home from SF for 2 hours, so my original arrival time of 12:45 AM became 2:45 AM Friday morning. Simply delightful. (On the bright side, the Orbitz cellphone alert really did work and notified me of that fun fact before I left for SFO.) So by the time I got home from JFK, it was 3:30 AM, making me grateful that I'd taken today off as a vacation day as well, since somehow the sleep you get from 4 - 11 AM is never as restful or restorative as the sleep you get from 12 - 7 AM.

Oh by the way, I made another pleasant discovery in the middle of the night at JFK: there is a taxi dispatcher on patrol 24/7 so he called up a fleet of cabs from the parking lot when a flock of bleary-eyed travelers trundled out to the taxi stand at three in the morning.

Since I am a firm believer in packing light (and I despise paying checked luggage fees) I walked briskly off the plane with my carry-on bag and was 4th in line for taxis. Yes, this was indeed all I packed for 7 days/6 nights in SF, with a pit stop on the way out to CA to quickly change in the ladies room from work attire to lounging-on-the-plane-for-6-hours attire.

Today (Friday) was an entirely unproductive day, where I did not step foot outside my door except to go downstairs, retrieve a week's worth of mail, and get waylaid by a highly talkative neighbor.

Eventually I escaped and hid at home again, watching my TiVo'd backlog of Hawaii 5-0 which I found to be disappointing. (By the way, this supersnarky recap of the pilot episode is howlingly funny, more entertaining than the actual show, and would do TWOP proud.) There are some intriguing hints of reverse discrimination (Hawaiians/Samoans vs. haoles) and occasionally Boomer/Kona does show up, but on the whole, eh. In short, I sense a slot opening up on my TiVo Season Pass Manager soon.

I suppose vegging out on The Green Monster is a fitting sendoff for the end of a mellow vacation week, but the laundry monster awaits me this weekend. Ergo, a large suitcase will be coming with me to CT on Saturday, since my sister kidnapped my mom Thursday night (it's the only way to get her out of the house) and my younger niece is back home from San Francisco on a business trip (yes, such irony, I know).

So since Sis kidnapped Mom by car, my mission is to escort her back to NYC on Sunday via Metro-North Railroad.

Oh, and my bathroom scale also decided to start working again and informed me that I have gained... er, maybe 4 lbs (yikes!) which is not surprising considering the majority of my activities in SF consisted of eating, napping, and getting driven around in Curt's cute little chocolate brown Mini as we shopped for furniture for his loft.

Walking his sweet Black Lab Simon, and the pugs Samson (black) and Sadie (fawn) was in no way sufficient exercise. And scratching their ears for aeons didn't burn up the calories either. ;) Hey, did I mention that he lives in the appropriately named neighborhood of Dogpatch?

Speaking of eating, my last evening was at Walzwerk where I shared my gargantuan portion of schnitzel and spatzle and green beans with Curt and one of his friends. Curt had the Jaeger schnitzel, which was tempting, but I was fixated on some regular schnitzel.

Oh, and we started the evening off with some potato pancakes. Of course.

And then on Thursday, we had lunch in Noe Valley at La Boulange where I succumbed to more goat cheese in an open-faced sandwich with portobello mushroom, roasted red peppers, and pesto, all accompanied by lemonade.

Come to think of it, it's a wonder I only gained 4 lbs!

And as you can see, the late night flight and the time change are really wrecking my body clock. Sigh.

Institutional ecosystems

You know how I have the acronym RTBT for Reasons To Be Thankful? (And there are always many RTBT.) Well it occurs to me that every now and then (or lately, more often than that) I have gotten supremely cranky, and who better to be the archetype of crankiness than my beloved Marvin The Martian? (BTW, all crankfest posting will henceforth be tagged with MTM.)

I was so fond of his antisocial tendencies that one of my exes once bought me a MTM pillow which I still have. And considering my mom, I come by my crankiness the old-fashioned way: both nature AND nurture!

The current upheaval at work is just stoking the crank-o-meter with premium unleaded: we are moving offices to a building a few blocks away on Friday and boy oh boy has the process been fun (you know, like a root canal). Welcome to our entry area this morning, once they started dissambling the bookshelves (and check out the toolboxfilled with noisy power tools, heh):

We are moving to a place where we do not know how many cabinets or drawers each person will have (we have been wheedling the nice guy from the moving company to tell us how big each filing cabinet drawer is, since he's seen it but we haven't, not even our boss), and to a floor where the library (our vastly reduced reference collection) will be located on the other side of the floor from the librarians (oh yeah, that would be US).

If you picture the entire floor as a square clock, we are at 5:00 and the stacks are at 12:00. So we will be traipsing through another department's cubicles each and every time we need to get a book. (Yes, I know -- time to break out my pedometer and see how many WW activity points I can rack up every day.)

If this all doesn't sounds like much to be all MTM about, consider that there are many things I am NOT posting here out of discretion (what little I apparently still possess), but here's on factor for ya: on a floor of almost 90 people, there are 4 ladies room stalls. Yep, a whole whopping FOUR.

According to the American Restroom Association (yes, there really is such an organization; no, I'm not making this up), there are designated ratios based on occupancy for such facilities (we're not even going to get into gender disparities here, people) and they are remarkably chintzy.

So on this particular topic, I leave you all with this thought: I drink 8 - 10 glasses of water / beverages a day.

But also, all of the moving will have an unfortunate ripple effect on our support staff: the security guards, cleaning staff, newsstand operator in the lobby, etc. None of them know if they will be transferred over, and some of them already know they will be unemployed at the end of the year, when the current building is completely emptied. When you see people every day for 6 years, saying hello/goodnight with a smile, you do wind up worrying about them, especially since they are all uniformly pleasant and friendly.

So RTBT: they are keeping us and we will remain employed (with good health coverage -- YOWSA!)

And on unrelated but droolworthy note, I leave you with French pastry p*rn (hazelnut and coconut macaroons, French butter cookies, and chocolate-covered almonds, oh my!) each of which is bigger than my palm. They're from the Financier Patisserie mini-chain scattered throughout downtown.

Also, I have been requested by my relatives to no longer post photos of their superadorable offspring here. So while I may rave about their fabulous cuteness, I will no longer be able to put my memory card where my mouth is.

In The Closet

You know the Closet of Disaster beloved of sitcoms and home organization shows? The one where you throw all sorts of crap in there and slam the door shut, knowing that to open it again would unleash an avalanche of garbage? Yeah, THAT closet.

Welcome to my psyche post-engineer.

On the other hand, you could also make the case that my apartment is already physically manifesting the eruption of my emotional trash, both aspects of which I've been studiously ignoring for weeks if not months now. (For those of you with hygiene phobias, fear not: my crap consists of papers and not anything that would generate new mutant life forms.)

Well this week's session with my Pearl of Wisdom started the process of at least cracking the door open to see how much I've stuffed into that clown car of a closet.

All of the above could explain why I am suffering from one of my periodic bouts of what I jokingly refer to as SMDS: Severe Motivational Deficiency Syndrome (a/k/a can't I just stay in bed forever?)

Being the perverse creature I am, however, I scheduled a 6:30 AM - 8:00 AM Fresh Direct delivery Thursday morning instead. While getting up before dawn is highly undesirable, it did provide me the chance to catch a spectacular sunrise.

Enjoy!

Hamster Town

So I often joke that the thing powering my PC at work is a very tired little hamster, as it seems to be going slower and slower these days (according to the specs, I was last upgraded in 2007, with a not top of line desktop, for what that's worth) as it will frequently freeze due to lack of processing power and RAM. (Believe me, you fellow Windoze folks would laugh uproariously if I told you the specs -- CPUs that you no longer remember, RAM outpaced by my low budget Dell Mini netbook, the list goes on.)

With our upcoming office move later this month, there is a faint glimmer of hope (smaller than an exhausted Tinkerbell) that we might get new PCs, but my coworkers are resigned to achieving detente with their own PHs (personal hamsters, which sounds wrong, but if what we've taken to calling them).

On the bright side (well, we either find a bright side or our heads all explode, so that's motivational) we've learned to be more zen about the whole thing, like when I was working in our China offices on an even older loaner laptop. Patience, grasshopper. Or as I used to joke at an old job, a day without rebooting is like a day without sunshine. Oh wait -- our current offices have no windows.

Despite all that whinging, I really am happy to have a job I like, with coworkers I like, and of course, excellent health insurance! Woohoo! Life is pretty darn good. It's just a NYC pastime to make sarcastic comments, in a hopefully amusing manner, but if I ever turn into my perpetually complaining mother, you all have my permission to smack me upside da hayed.

Another NYC habit is to run at 90 mph, which is what my mind feels like sometimes. Just like when people land in one of the airports after a relaxing vacation on a tropical isle and start snapping at each other about the overhead luggage, my mind's been chasing pirates again (if you haven't already, you really should check out the lyrics to see what I mean).

In general though, I've been sleeping better, and the mile / two mile walks I've been taking up CPW most evenings have been helping, as has the pounding away at the keyboard of my netbook, venting all the ravings of my inner hamster on a wheel. So while the weekly WW weigh ins have been stubbornly unencouraging, my clothes inform me that I'm moving in the right direction.

And last night (!) I had a dream where The Engineer wrote to me that he was working out his things in his mind and would soon be ready to get in touch and be friends. (WTF?! Where did THAT dream come from?) My dream self then thought about it and realized that no, I didn't really want to be friends with him. Now is that reaction anger or mere acceptance? Who knows?

I do know however, that I'm off to work, to keep said nifty job, and will leave you all with the comment that the above photo was taken the night I came back from Boston and is of the main USPS building in Manhattan, that is no longer open 24/7, due to budget cuts. Isn't the Farley Building beautiful? And the cars streaking by looked cool too.

Ciao, mis amigos!

Throw out that Dymo!

So as some of you know, I am not normally comfortable with ambiguity. Uncertainty and shades of grey are to me what a water pistol is to a cat: something to be avoided at all costs.

So the idea that I might throw out that Dymo and not label my relationship / friendship / time with A is nothing short of revolutionary (thank you, Jack -- your comment rang a bell in my whirling dervish of a brain). At the moment he is a good friend I can tease mercilessly (don't worry: he has a safe word) and who gives me lots of huge bear hugs, which I am discovering are lots of fun since he is strong enough to swing me completely up into the air.

Some of you may remember how you complimented me on how maturely I was handling my breakup with the Engineeer. Well it turns out that the congratulations were premature, because his dumping all my stuff with my doorman, and my mailing of his keys back to him (he of course was in such a hurry, while I was still out, that he didn't take the second bag which had his expensive house keys) triggered all sorts of emotions.

Yeah, my neck really, really hurts these days. Yup, I really need to learn how to relax (one day, I really WILL read that wiki).

On the bright side, I have scheduled a massage for myself Sunday night (woohoo!) and my Pearl of Wisdom will really be earning her keep this Friday, before I head out to a birthday dinner for my friend Jackie with our friend Marci.

My head is just whirling around so much these days that no matter what time I go to sleep -- 9 PM, midnight, 2 AM -- I find that I wake up before 6 AM (yes, me) and can't stop myself from chasing pirates, as Norah Jones so aptly sings. So yup, I've been awake for 2 hours now. GAH.

Well, at least I'm putting some of this nervous energy to use: I've started doing my morning exercises every day, and my bedroom floor now has enough space cleared off that this feasible. And taking long, WW points-filled walks. In fact, some mornings I eye the park from my window and think, "Hmmmm... I could squeeze one in before work." (Please, pick yourselves up off the floor after you've recovered consciousness.)

But yeah, too much going on in my head, and too angry at my ex (not to mention that work is just about wiping out the reserves of humor in all of the Gang of Five who are remaining -- 4 days away was not enough, but at least now I won't be arrested for going postal) so I hid my trial membership at Match.

Just not in the right frame of mind, not even for practice dates (not that I was getting anything except lameass winks from guys in Oregon [!!!] or e-mail from 58 year old men who live "a quick 2 and half hours away"). Nope, not ready.

But since it's just about 8 AM, it is time that I start getting ready for work, while listening to my new $5 download from Amazon of The Shanghai Restoration Project. I'd been wanting to get this CD for a while, and then it went on sale, so hey, procrastination pays! Score!

Guys I love

Here you see my younger grandnephew and his dad. I just love Nicky to bits and I think my niece's husband is a really great guy. (My 4 y.o. grandnephew runs away from me so Dunno much about him yet. Rejected again!)

My brother-in-law, before the disease, was one of the most wonderful men I knew, and my nephew is a chip off the old block .

I remind myself of these menfolk as I confront the behavior of my ex, at the close of our relationship. How disappointed am I that I had to call his parents to get him to even acknowledge that he owed me a REPLY about exchanging stuff? What're we? 12 year olds?

Maybe it's best that blogging from my phone imposes a 1,000 character limit per post, so I can't dwell as much on The End.

Oh screw it ... I'll continue this on the laptop.

TO BE CONTINUED...

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Let's try this again

Last night was an unexpected date with A so today I'm pretty much a happy camper (the 3 hours went swimmingly). I did discover to my semi-shock that he and I have managed to completely blow past my monthly txt msg limit of 250 (oops) but since I'm also posting to the blog (like now) and exploiting the new phone's multimedia features to their fullest, it' NOT just him.

There is also next Sunday to look forward to (bonus!) Murphy is laughing somewhere at my plan to not even THINK about dating until next year.

Right now I'm on the train to CT to see my sister and grandnieces and grandnephews. It' sunny but only pleasantly warm w/cool breezes, and I,m fighting to stay awake (don't want to wake up in Stamford!) after waking up at 6:15 for some unfathomable reason.

The attached photo is from the new Whitman College [yes, of ebay fame] @ Princeton, where I'' be visiting my friend Kieran's parents on the 16th, my mental health day bookend.

And one for good luck

You know how when you were a kid and your childhood classmates would gleefully punch you in the arm on your birthday? (or maybe I just grew up around pint-sized sadists?) They would invariably give you an extra punch ("and one to grow on!" or something) so say on your twelfth birthday you'd wind up with a baker's dozen. Ouch.

Well, today was my annual mammogram and of course, the side that had the tumor -- you know, the side that still hurts occasionally? yeah, THAT side -- that side gets an EXTRA x-ray. Ow ow ow!

In fact, it still hurts, and it's hours later, but hey, the good news is that I'm all clear! Woohoo! Won't have to get squashed like a pancake again for another 12 months. Yay!

Fort those of you who are either too young or not female, imagine taking your thumb and squashing it flat between two Oxford dictioneries, or Manhattan phone books (remember those retro things? Yellow Pages in print?) -- but substitute something considerably more sensitive than your thumb -- and then being told not to move, or even to breathe (inhaling/exhaling would mess up the image). Fun, eh?

I complain (jokingly) but really, I don't mind when I think of it as one more way of making sure that those nasty old c-cells don't come back. Plus, it's completely covered -- yay, health insurance!

More good health insurance news: my dental coverage is apparently quite good, as it took care of about two-thirds of the cost of my new crown. RTBT!

Remember the filling that fell out right before my trip to visit one of the cutest babies in the world? Well, when I came back, I was not surprised to find that the offending tooth qualified for a crown, as it was rather more metal than enamel. Oops.

The temporary crown felt really weird, as it was not the same size as my actual tooth. Thankfully, it was only in for a week, and now I have a new fake tooth, for a grand total of three.

And into each month an expensive surprise must fall: my annual homeowner insurance premium is due. Thank goodness tomorrow is payday! Heck, thank goodness I'm still employed!

And now, I leave you would some World Cup team murals that are currently being displayed in the Time Warner Center. The top one is Switzerland (funny, eh?) and the middle one is for the Cote d'Ivoire, in honor of my friend Laura's first completed posting with the US Foreign Service. Welcome back LQ!