Back To Nature

NOTE: I originally started this entry almost 2 weeks ago on Nov. 8th. Whoops!

Nov. 8th - BACK TO NATURE . . . by which I mean I am currently travelling through gorgeous countryside near the Adirondack Mountains in upstate New York via Amtrak, and my cell phone frequently has NO bars. (What did you expect? I grew up in a NYC Housing Authority project. It’s highly unlikely I’d be going camping . . . although the concept does hold a certain exotic appeal, come to think of it.)

All of this fabulous natural beauty has helped me be zen about my inability to finish my wildly overdue quarterly billing (I am literally THE last person in our division holding up the quarterly reports) due to the pathetically poor wi-fi service on the train. [I am writing this in Word, and then pasting it over later.] That spotty connectivity, plus the ancient laptop issued to me by my company (it was assigned to several other users before me, so do the math) have rendered logging into the network impossible.

Hence, zen.

I mean, just LOOK at this, somewhere on Lake Champlain . . . how could you remain unmoved by this?

Nov, 12th - BACK TO LIFE . . . BACK TO REALITY

Everybody who remembers Soul II Soul from the late 1980s, raise their hand.

The portion above the photo was written on my way north to Montreal, on Friday, November 8th. Now, I’m on my way south, returning to NYC. Taking a leaf, er, cue from my earlier trip, I’m just gonna go zen and resign myself to no wi-fi unless I move to the café car, which is frequently closed for periodic cleaning, despite being very tidy (my translation? don’t mess with the unions and their work break rules). At those points, I’d have to move my laptop back to my seat. So as they say in New Yawk, fuggedaboudit (translation for my Europals: forget about it).

Besides, I sense a nap soon with my handy dandy, (relatively) new, buckwheat hull-filled, U-shaped neck pillow. Woot!

Yep, those inflatable pillows are kind of annoying, and between two 11-hour Amtrak journeys, and next April’s roundtrip to Amsterdam (WOOHOO!) I figured I could splurge on a nice firm travel pillow for US$20 and more storage in my already cluttered home. Since I remember that memory foam traps your body heat (and I already get hot flashes) I opted for the buckwheat filling – and its minute potential for air circulation – instead.

Oh boy. I’d forgotten just how much rambling I did in my blog. Hope my stream of consciousness musings aren’t giving y’all whiplash.

[Sidenote: making it out of Canada just in time, as it’s snowing, and this morning was “my ears hurt, and face is frozen” weather. My ears may stick out from decades of eyeglass wearing, but I do prefer them to remain attached to my giant head.]

[insert nap: here! heheheheheh]

Nov. 12th - THREADING THE NEEDLE (AFTER A NAP)

Speaking of my giant head, we arrive back at the ever expanding list of potential health concerns. (Yeah, middle age pretty much sucks that way.) While my noggin, as I’ve mentioned before, is biologically disease free (note the word “biologically” >> after the laughter dies down, let’s have a hearty “BOY HOWDY!”) apparently my liver is not so lucky.

Despite having a cholesterol level of a mere 187 (WIN! and my triglycerides are low, and. . . ) the past few rounds of blood tests at Sloan Kettering AND my annual physical have shown elevated levels of certain liver proteins. One of the causes of THAT could have been my tamoxifen regime (4 years down, 1 more to go). Ergo, my oncologist ordered a liver ultrasound this summer.

I never got much detail about the ultrasound results from the oncologist, but my primary care physician was not pleased by them and mentioned some medical term I didn't catch, but which he explained involved fatty deposits in my liver, which -- if left unchecked -- can lead to cirrhosis. Ummm....ICK! I mean, check out this photo for a visual of what a liver cross-section would look like.

So the upshot is that I will need to [1] change my diet to a low-fat regimen, since I can't just up and stop taking tamoxifen, and [2] gradually* lose some weight, since obesity is also a possible contributing factor to non-alcholic fatty liver disease (NAFLD). Plus, my knees will be happier carrying around an extra 30 pounds. *Ironically, rapid weight loss exacerbates NAFLD.

[insert another nap: here! I love long train rides. . . ]

Nov. 19th - CUT!

Okay, in the interests of finally publishing this meandering ramble, I've chopped off the last (and unfinished) section for a future post, and am ending THIS post:  [here].

Doing It Right

Rhinebeck 2012 - a\k\a The NY State Sheep & Wool Festival
Yes, last year, but the yarn porn is still luscious.

There is an account on Twitter named Cat Food Breath written by some hilarious human from their cat's point of view. I laughed when s/he tweeted, "If you're home on Saturday night with your cat, you're doing it right." So yeah, I'm doing it right.

Honestly, I'm very happy to be here, chilling out with Emily, my face-palming yoga kitty.  She is a calm and affectionate cat, very quiet, who rarely meows unless she's accidentally locked out (oops -- then she lets loose an unearthly yowl at tremendous volume [my mom found that story hilarious] ) or when I'm about to feed her some of her new wet food (Nature's Variety Instinct, which is 95% meat and US-sourced) made from rabbit, venison, or lamb -- she seems to have become allergic to the duck. Ironically, the SPCA recommended the duck because she was allergic to who-knows-what, most likely chicken and fish.

Yes, I know, I sound like the crazy about my cat lady. To seal the deal, here is a photo of her, since she had not entered my life yet when I stopped writing in here in May of 2011. (Her adoptaversary is Sept. 16, 2011.)

"I can't believe mom is watching Criminal Minds AGAIN."

Emmy has been a godsend during my transition to working at home 80% of the time, since her undemanding companionship has kept me from completely losing what's left of my mind.

Our company has decreed that my team may have 2 full-time cubes for 7 people. Yes, really. When we go in once a week, we have to book a hotel space (read: cubicle) somewhere in the building. Yes, that is indeed a total pain in the patootie.  Part of my depression this summer may stem from the isolation, since as my friend Marci pointed out, I am one of the most social people she knows, and SHE used to work in theater!

So at the suggestion of my friend Dale, I am bumping it up to TWO consecutive days a week, for the sake of both logistics and my sanity. That way I can lock up the laptop overnight and not have to haul it around constantly, schedule meetings over 2 different work days, meet some friends for lunch, etc. There is also something to be said for actual face-to-face contact to transmit info. E-mail has its limits, as does my inbox. Plus, I need to remember how to act among my corporate cohorts (good point Dale) since I was turning into a total slob: it took 4 months, but I did devolve into working in my PJs.

Rhinebeck, October 2012 -
what Central Park is starting to look like only NOW...in November!

Speaking of digging my way out from under, evidently my long, rational discussion with my new brother-in-law (for the sake of brevity, I will refer to him henceforth as BIL#2) had only alleviated my anger at my sister briefly. BIL#2 and I carefully and diplomatically discussed the causes of my door-slamming outburst the morning after it happened. BIL#2 seems like a reasonable person, and his family are lovely salt-of-the-earth Brooklynites, who sound nothing like Bugs Bunny. Coincidentally, I noticed that I was notably calmer at work the next week, because I had finally, after a YEAR, gotten to express some of my feelings.

My furious outburst in my recent post (which represented MY feelings, not everyone else's) made me realize I'm still a long way from over my frustration with my sister. The rest of my family has probably worked out their issues long ago, but it's taken me a long time to get to this point (i.e., acknowledging that I'm STILL really angry since we went from being very close to "I might as well not have a sibling" ).      

And last but not least, my MRI found no trace of cancer in my giant skull. Many thanks to my friend Ellen for bugging me to finally call my oncologist.  For some reason, onco-doc had forgotten to call me back with the results, even though she had sent the info to my GP, whom I saw for part 1 of my annual physical on Thursday. Monday I'm going back to my ophthalmologist for a follow-up about my crazy, lazy eyeballs, that have been giving me headaches. (And people wonder why I want to haul back and clock the asshat Republicans who try to kill Obamacare.)

But to prove that a healthy cerebellum does not necessarily equate to good taste, here's a photo of my guilty pleasure heartthrob (ever since the early 1990s-- hey, I'm consistent!) from his new movie and directorial debut, MAN OF TAI CHI. Considering Karen Mok and Simon Yam are both in it as well, I may have to buy this, since it's legally available online via my cable company.

Not bad for a 49 year old, eh?

And NOW, time to set all the clocks back and enjoy an extra hour of sleep tonight. WOOHOO!

Ephemera

Like a castle in the sand, I wrote a nice long post tonight, responding to recent comments, and...the app crashed and I lost it.

Clearly a sign to give it up and go to bed.

P.S.

Superstorm Sandy hit this spot near South Ferry a year ago on 10/30/12. Ciao!

Marvin The Martian

My Sis and bro-in-law's backyard faces protected wetlands (win!)
Extra points if you spot the 2/F birdhouse they installed

Sooooo...my sister is a butthead.*  (I revert to immature language when confronted with immaturity, apparently.) It's taken me quite a while to wrap my head around the idea that she really doesn't seem to care that she's systematically pissed off her entire family, to the point that we've each individually yelled at her.

Considering that we are the stereotypical "aim for consensus and harmony at all costs" Asian-American family, that takes sustained effort. But hey, my sister is always willing to apply elbow grease when and where it suits her.

Let's review everyone she's hurt, upset, and infuriated this past year, shall we?

Her three children and their spouses? Check! Check! And check!

Her only sibling? Yup.

Her late husband's sister? (He, like me, only had one sibling.) Ding! Ding! Ding!

Her only living parent? You betcha!

(In fact, my mom made the ultimate slam this week when she said,"Your sister is just like her father." [Technically, we're half-sisters on my mom's side, but we were raised together, more or less.] Considering my mom still hates her first husband with the fiery passion of a thousand burning suns, even 60 years later...Ouch!)

Since we are a very small family, Sis is literally batting 1.000.

Do I sound bitter? That's because I am bitter. Like a pot of coffee left on the burner too long.

I can't think too much about this at the moment, or my blood pressure will rise and I won't be able to get to sleep. Instead I'll just try to remember what my nephew calmly said,"She's made her decision and her priority is very clear."

Bah.

I'll just stick to playing with the babies in my family, and visiting my late brother-in-law's grave when I can (with other relatives).

Note the toy cars from his grandsons. - I miss you, big brother.

And in other news, I have not heard back from my oncologist about the MRI of my giant skull, so I guess no news is good news, since doctors are usually really prompt about bad news.

Now I need to go to sleep, since it's long past my bedtime, and I'll be on a new floor at work tomorrow, with the grand poobahs.

P.S. *It was unintentionally hilarious trying to explain the term "butthead" to my very correct, older German relatives.  "So do you remember the show 'Beavis and Butthead'? No? Oh well...let's see now..."

Equal Opportunity Offender

Normally when I go for my oncology checkups, it's in the breast cancer building. So it was really startling to go into one of the main MSKCC buildings for my MRI and be surrounded by a co-ed mixture of patients, in all shapes, sizes, ages, and ethnicities. Cancer is such an egalitarian bastard.

As predicted, I fell asleep during the actual MRI, despite the loud, STAR TREK phaser sounds constantly pinging around my head. (They gave me earplugs, and gently taped my head in place.) And afterward, the phlebotomist (blood tech) was superb with my already-punctured inner elbow, to draw a tube to analyze.

So it was physically painless, but I guess the test is still making me anxious, because despite telling myself repeatedly NOT to take the wrong subway home, I wound up in Queens instead of Harlem. Duh.

Won't know the results for a few days, I imagine. But as my sister pointed out, if there were anything REALLY wrong, I probably would've already heard back from my doctor by now. 

Ah, my sister.

I am in Connecticut, awaiting the weekend visit of my older niece and her daughter from Puerto Rico, where their whole family moved in May.  So I am staying with my sister and brother-in-law in their home.

Had a short, bitter argument with sis tonight after she called me a selfish, rude person, who constantly expects to be entertained. I yelled back that I was going to my room before I said something I'd regret.

Slamming the door created a satisfyingly loud bang.

And yes, the title of this post is equally applicable to her, since I am not the only person she's been so extremely gracious toward during the past year.

Swedish Squirrel

Hidden courtyard cafe in Malmo, Sweden (July 2012)

So yes, I am still alive, after a wonderful summer vacation in Sweden and Denmark during July 2012, and two trips this year to out west: Colorado in March 2013, and Wyoming in August 2013. (Many more photos at some other date.)

And yes, there is an apparently endless series of various medical tests scheduled for me in the next year. Some are routine (bone density, mammo) and one, not so much (recent liver sonogram, some kind of uterine test if & when my next period ever arrives, and an upcoming MRI for my brain). 

The liver sonogram was because I have elevated levels of certain proteins and enzymes (ex: if the normal range should be 1-31 mg/L, I had 57) after 4 years of tamoxifen.[BONUS ROUND: I realized today that I had miscalculated mt tamoxifen schedule, and I actually have ANOTHER YEAR to go. Bah!] The uterine test can only be done if my damn period ever arrives (I forget the reason now, but it made sense at the time) -- personally I want it to NEVER COME BACK, but who the hell knows?

The upcoming MRI is due to have occasional rounds of dizziness, especially upon the first bite of food. Since my blood sugar levels do not appear to be pre-diabetic, AND I'm having some vision problems, well, 2 neurological symptoms = 100% chance of brain MRI.  There's a slot available this coming Wednesday, October 16th, at 8:00 AM. After the radiologist interprets the results and confers with my oncologist, THEN, I will hear the news.

Since I am not claustrophobic, and am relaxed enough during these scans that I have fallen asleep in the past, it's not the test itself that worries me. Nope, it's the fact that this time, they're scanning my HEAD, the seat of what makes me, ME. And as unlikely as a brain tumor would be, my college friend Ellen discovered that she'd had a golf-ball-sized one in her head! (Luckily, it was operable, and she is fine now.)

Okay, enough for now. Time for bed, since one of my resolutions lately (more on those some other time) is to get ENOUGH rest, especially since stress has caused me to wake up in the pre-dawn hours, along with eating more heathily.

Farmers market in Stockholm, Sweden (July 2012)

When it rains...

So have I mentioned that I have cashed in vast amounts of frequent flyer miles to travel business class to Hong Kong and Shanghai for a two week vacation?

Well, the time IS now getting closer (12 days!) and I'm simultaneously excited and pulling out my hair, since I'm also in the middle of refinancing my mortgage (AGH!) and that entails a visit from the appraiser (Tues AM, so I'm frantically cleaning out my apt this weekend: the word TERROR does spring to mind) as well as the financial ravaging involved with all of the closing costs, etc. Ugh.

Also, I have done exactly ZERO about arranging my trips around within China, such as to Guilin and Ningbo, but I'm hoping to either sort of wing it, since there are so many airlines within China, or else to just explore HK and Shanghai at my own pace.

The latter option is definitely appealing too, since I like to just wander around back streets and poke around museums and things, taking photos of odd signage which amuses me :) Plus, this year has been so stressful so far that I'm leaning towards the more mellow option, instead of "if it's Tuesday, this must be Guilin..." And of course, I want to meet up with all of my friends without having to rush around like a maniac.

I mean, the whole point of a vacation is TO RELAX, correct? And booking myself up for my personal edition of THE AMAZING RACE just does not sound very relaxing. (But Guilin is supposed to be just gorgeous...) And to that point, I have cut out Japan from the itinerary, since that would NOT be relaxing, what with my health scare this spring.

And the food porn is courtesy of Mom, who made this late last month for Dad for a belated Tomb-Sweeping Day observance.

Sitting w/Grandma in the park after our lunch in Chinatown :-)

Happy Mother's Day to the moms in our family! Love, Auntie S.

Numb3rs

So yes, I've been gone for a loooong time from here. It's been a busy month. Or 5-6 weeks. Taxes. Another reorg at work. (And no, I don't know how many that makes over the past few years.) Got my health tests back from MSKCC after a scare about a possible lump in my OTHER boob (yeah, those were the most miserable 2-3 weeks in recent memory until after the all-clear, and left me noticeably foul-tempered at work).


But now, I'm generally more cheerful. I'm still employed (with fabbo health insurance) and have gotten better at not letting the inanity / insanity at the office get to me. Try (usually successfully) to visit my mom every Monday so we watch DANCING WITH THE STARS together (heh). My family is healthy and doing well. I can even finally see the floor in my bedroom again. Hanging out with my real-life friends here locally is also part of my routine.


And as those stats in the photo up above show, I have been writing up a storm (hence, kinda quiet here) and making writing friends, as well as general goofing-off friends via Twitter and Tumblr. (Warning: that link to my Tumblr account may be full of amusement, especially if you know the way my mind works, but don't read the stories unless you want your eyelids seared with smut. Just sayin' ;-p)


In addition to all of that, I have started noticing the opposite sex again (translation: severely crushing on a writer, as my 100th Tumblr post shows) so I say it's time to start dating again! Will take a deep breath and call IT'S JUST LUNCH to see how much they cost. My wall unit savings account can be redirected to the "get me to relearn how to socialize" fund instead. Since my Pearl of Wisdom wisely pointed out that my last two relationships left a few things to be desired (not going to get into the details of our problems here, I can can definitely recognize the things she mentioned) so it's not surprising that I'm ambivalent about the idea of EVER marrying. Heck, just getting back into the swing of things will be a novelty for me. It's been almost exactly one year since I broke up with The Engineer, so yeah, it's time.


And one that note, I am going to immerse myself in my new Adele: 21 CD which is FANTASTIC. That woman has chops! And since I never watch the Grammys, I didn't know she'd won any. Instead, I was introduced to her vocal prowess in my across the hall neighbor's living room, via his blow-black-your-hair home theater system. I am in aural adoration mode (with Adele -- my 20 year old TV shows I'm not that bothered about home theater stuff).

Vacation map (almost)

Happily, my friends in Kyoto and all of their relatives are fine. The rest of the country, not so much...

Source: http://earthquake.usgs.gov/earthquakes/dyfi/events/us/c0001xgp/us/index.html

So just imagine, um, squinting and looking at this map with my itinerary overlaid: HK, Shanghai, Tokyo, Kyoto, maybe Guilin...

Okay, time to leave the office now. Yes, NOW. (Have I mentioned how much my job is aggravating me these days?)



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These are not special effects

Screencap from NHK (via Yahoo)

Waiting to hear back from my friends in Kyoto... which is not in the NE, but it's an 8.9 quake... !

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Squee!

Work has been hellacious lately (lather, rinse, repeat) and whenever that happens, I start thinking about (a) updating my resume, and/or (b) planning my next vacation. In this case, I did both, but I'm going to talk about only the fun part here.

You know how I've been diligently accumulating all of my frequent flyer miles over the years for a return trip to Asia in business class? Well I'm finally about to pull the trigger as they say!

I had had a reservation on American for NYC - Shanghai || HK - NYC, but due to a glass of wine at dinner last night (yes, I am such a lightweight) I completely forgot that it expired at midnight last night, and NOT today, as my tiny pea brain thought. Oops.

Well hey, I've been trying to be more mellow about things lately (and sometimes it even works). In this case, I looked upon it as an opportunity to see if I could wangle a different itinerary (since you NEVER EVER get non-stop flights from A to B when using miles, from my experience). Since I wanted to build a multi-leg trip (instead of a straight round trip), and American therefore insisted routing me thru various connections, I thought I'd turn that to my advantage. (Note: the human touch worked so much better than the website in this case --> worth the phone time waiting for them to tweak SABRE.)

Et voila! I will now also be exploring Tokyo and Kyoto on my upcoming trip! All 4 legs of my trip are in business class (YES!) and I will be travelling thusly (bold legs are FF tickets):

1. NYC - Toronto - Hong Kong (short layover in Toronto, Cathay Pacific to HKG)
2. Hong Kong - Guilin (Chinese airlines are quite reasonable)
3. Guilin - Shanghai
4. Shanghai - Tokyo Narita (Japan Airlines)
5. Tokyo - Kyoto - Tokyo on the bullet train (have a friend in Kyoto, and Tokyo's a little overwhelming on my own, so probably more time in Kyoto, which is prettier from what I hear [less bombing from WWII])
6. Tokyo Haneda - JFK (non-stop on American)

All told, I will be gone for 2 weeks, but with Memorial Day and a few business meetings sandwiched in, I should NOT blow 75% of my annual vacation days, maybe only 50% instead. Bonus!

So I've e-mailed all of my buddies in HK and Shanghai, and my friend Brian and his wife (hi Brian!) are not only going to help me reconnect with the people I met a few years ago, but also meet new contacts, what with the endless restructuring gyrations that have been going on within the company.

Hence, a photo of Chinese food to start this post with (heh) courtesy of Kam Man Foods here on Canal Street. (There are several other branches, if you want to explore their website.)

Today I've spent mostly on the phone with American, instead of prepping my taxes (ah well, there's always next weekend -- oh wait: I'm meeting my sister for a girl's weekend then, where I will also go to her hairdresser and finally ditch my grey hair). Ooops, better get cracking with that tax stuff soon!

Tomorrow morning, I'm going to try to get up early (stop laughing so hard! I can hear you from here!) and go to Sloan for blood tests before work. Then the results will be ready for my oncologist when I go see her on Thursday for my quarterly check up. If all goes well on Thursday, then I get upgraded to a semi-annual visit.

Tonight, I leave you with this clip of some haunting piano music from a recent episode of CRIMINAL MINDS (insert fangirl squealing: here) which has been on loop in my home, that and another song I discovered recently called Inner Smile (Scottish band named after a US state that hit the UK charts, recommended by a woman in Cyprus, where the official video showing the female lead singer REALLY resembling Elvis: dizzy yet?).

Here's a link to the official Inner Smile video, filmed in 2000 wherein the very attractive female lead singer resembles Elvis to a startling degree. The whole theme of the video (which is really very clever) is a '60s style tribute to Elvis and reminds me why k.d. lang used to be so appealing. Check out the official video for Constant Craving if you need a refresher/reminder.

The video BELOW is of an autistic character, and the music has obsessed the show's fans ever since the episode aired. What do you think, folks? Catchy tune, eh?

Purple prose

No pun intended, but good smut is hard work. Really, just like filming a "love" scene in a movie, writing smut seems much more fun-filled and glamorous than it actually is.

First, there are only so many ways to describe certain body parts without either (a) repetition, or (b) euphemisms that make me burst out laughing. I mean, if you get detailed at all, there are quite a few paragraphs to go where you describe, um, certain activities. And after 7 chapters, my readers have been quite vocal about wanting some action! Heh.

Secondly, logistical issues abound. You don't want to accidentally give your characters extra limbs or contort them into physically unlikely positions. I don't care if you work for Cirque du Soleil, some feats are simply not possible. Likewise, just as in a movie, continuity is key. Otherwise, an attentive reader will realize that you have given one participant two left arms. Since I am not writing for Star Trek or Babylon-5, this would not be helpful.

Why am I suddenly concerned about the problems or purple prose? Well, uh, remember how I mentioned that I've started to write fan fiction? (Criminal Minds is my only milieu, by the way.) I'm now up to 20,000 words, with 13,000+ hits this year, and 64 subscribers. (The photo above shows the statistical breakdowns the site provides to the author.)

Yes, 64 random strangers around the world have subscribed to my stories so far. Since I only subscribe to maybe THREE authors I'm kinda proud of that statistic. (There is a lot of dreck out there, as you can imagine.) The only downside is that now I'm afraid to read some of my favorite writers since I don't want to unintentionally absorb their ideas.

Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it's also known by another name: plagiarism. Oops.

In school, I always found that I did better in structured writing than "free topic essays" (i.e., write whatever you like, about anything you want; no guidance provided as to topic, format, etc.) which tended to make my mind go completely blank.

This is more like writing for a pre-established universe, a la Star Trek or Star Wars (a/k/a easier for first time writers like me). I'm enjoying the whole process of writing: outlining chapters, constructing imaginary homes with floor plans (more continuity concerns), considering where to end each chapter (I'm on 8 of 12+ for this particular story at the moment), and in general, building an overall framework for my characters to inhabit. Just ignore the part about them being from a TV show. ;)

Right now, I'm dealing with a nasty sore throat / cold / sinus congestion combination, so the behavior or my characters should be really interesting, since I'm feeling waaaaay loopy. (Can antibiotics make you lightheaded?)

And a visit to the dentist enlightened me as the the corollary of giant sinus headaches: toothaches. He showed me an x-ray where one of my molars is literally stabbing one of my sinuses with the roots of the tooth. No wonder my upper jaw hurts!

Yep, I'm a wreck. Took Friday off from work after the dental visit since (a) I felt like roadkill [coughing all night will do that to you], (b) wouldn't be productive at the office in that state anyway, and (c) the dentist told me I looked really run down [he's known me for over a decade -- he's allowed, heh] and that my cheek was all puffy and I sounded really congested. Translation: you're sick! go home! don't go out into the pouring rain and head to work!

There are many other things I need to catch you all up on, but I can only grasp one train of thought at a time in my head these days.

Huh. I've been awake for a whole three hours. Time for another nap.

THUD.

Still processing...

Thank you to those of you who wrote to me. Your kind words were truly appreciated. I'm sorry if I haven't replied individually, but just like those endless "wait / status " messages on your computer, I'm still processing... and at odd moments (like when I'm crossing the street) I'll have the urge to burst into tears. Being my mother's daughter though, I really have a hard time letting them flow, which is starting to affect my sleep...

My brother-in-law was really like my second father, since he married my sister when I was six, and my own father died when I was thirteen. He helped shape the person I became, and was always there for me with a hug and a smile, teasingly calling me "the family's professor".

When we had his 70th birthday party (only four years ago, before Alzheimer's truly took him away from us) I think I made remarks (into a microphone!) to the effect that all of my best attributes came from him, and any faults were purely my own. Judging from the eulogies, the extremely large (intercontinental) turnout at his memorial service last Sunday (Feb. 6th), and most of all, the three wonderful children he helped raise, I was not alone in this feeling. The church was full, and we truly celebrated the generous, honorable, and compassionate man that he was.

Tomorrow, I will go visit my sister in CT, and probably drive her nuts with the number of hugs I will give her (I am a hugger, she, less so) but part of that is because I am needing the hugs myself these days.

I hope she will like the changes to my brother-in-law's memorial website that I have made. Like my absentminded contemplation of different funerary customs across cultures (Chinese, Jewish, Egyptian, Christian... see why he called me his professor?) my devotion to building his site is one way of dealing with his loss.

For those of you who work in finance, please take the time to read his friend's eulogy, which was truly eye-opening for me. I never knew that Paul Volcker (then Chairman of the Fed) and the people on the masthead (?) of the HSBC annual reports all paid attention to his comments. To his family, he was always just a loving, humble, humorous man who worked somewhere on Wall Street and always made sure the backyard bird feeder was full.

For those of you who don't know or care who Stephen Green is, there's a photo I love showing my brother-in-law as a young man. He's smiling with amusement at the photographer, and it's quite startling to realize he was a hottie! I mean he was always an attractive man, but it's like looking at your dad and thinking, "Wow! No wonder my mom [literally, MY mom -- whom many of you have met] always said he was good lookin'!"

Okay, I'm kind of rambling. Clearly time for sleep. No, not the eternal kind either. (The burial was last Monday, the 7th, and it was a sunny but not frigid day.) Yes, definitely rambling.

Telegram

Ok, I actually have lots of entertaining subjects to talk about, but right now, only 2 things really matter, and neither of them are fun.

My brother-in-law passed away today.

This is the 2nd anniversary of my lumpectomy.

Lots of mixed feelings about both, but nothing coherent right now.

More in a few days.

Thundersnow!

So yesterday's forecast was for 4-6 inches of snow. BZZZZZT! Survey says: 15" of snow in Central Park today. Unlike the usual Chicken Little routine of local meteorologists (or as my friend Sam mockingly calls it "Death Storm 20xx") they actually severely underestimated the snowfall. Plus, we had thundersnow -- that's twice in one winter.

Speaking of odd natural phenomena -- why are there still leaves on the trees in the traffic circle?! It's January, fer pete's sake.

Lessee, what else is going on? Well, I realized the other night that on January 30th, it will be exactly two years since my surgery. Holy tostitos, Batman!

That realization was an odd moment. On the one hand, it feels like so much longer than that. (Really? You mean I had four decades of life PD? [pre-diagnosis]) On the other, it seems like not so long ago. I guess two years is not that long, relatively speaking, but I remember with crystal clarity the day my doctor called with the fun news (12/30/08).

Of the 10 bullet points I listed in my previous post (I actually remembered more later) I accomplished exactly... one-half of one item during my staycation. Heh. My entryway area is now very tidy. Oh, and I did lots of laundry (clean clothes -- what a novelty!)

What did I do instead, you may ask? Why I wrote almost 10,000 words of fanfiction. (Yes, the superdork sign is flashing in neon lights above my head right now.) I find it absolutely flabbergasting that my stories have had over 5,000 hits, with over 3,000 visitors, and 40+ people (all complete strangers) subscribed to my work! Holy cr*p! As the Brits would say, I'm all chuffed :)

Besides the ego boost, the writing is actually sort of therapeutic, as my Pearl of Wisdom has helped me realize that I identify so strongly with certain characters because hey, the guy is very emotionally reserved (sound like anyone we know? oh yeah -- my last 2 exes. oh, and MY DAD) and the woman is outwardly confident but trundling around a wheelie full of baggage inside (ahem. no comment).

Yeah, Pearl is all pleased that I'll be working on some of my Issues "using a creative outlet". I find that I really do enjoy writing (heck, I even incorporated my panda fetish into the stories -- HA! so there!) and now I sort of understand why sometimes real (professional) authors say things like, "I honestly had no idea my characters were going to do that." Huh.

And now I can truly appreciate (quite viscerally) just how much work goes into well-crafted stories. Yow.

Okay, lunch time is OVAH.

Yeah, NYC public schools are all closed today (!) -- as well as "all non-essentiall NYC personnel" -- and yet my employer is still open. Boo!

(Ironic footnote: I leapt out of bed waaaay more promptly this morning than usual, in order to check to see if our office was officially closed. Heh.)

Upside down

So what are the odds that by the time I go back to work from my staycation, I will have completely reversed my sleeping schedule? So far, I've gone to bed at 12:30 AM (somewhat normal for me), 4:30 AM (late, even for me), and oh yeah, 4:30 AM (again). Oops.

I've also cemented my supernerd status by writing my first fanfiction short story ever, a drabble (normally defined as 100 words in other FF realms, but set as 1,000 words in the fandom I loiter in) which has made me really, really appreciate the well-written ones I've come across.

And no, I am so not telling you where I posted this froth.

In other entertaining but useless endeavors, I have also signed up for a Twitter account, and lemme tellya, it's like wandering into a foreign country, since the syntax and conventions are entirely alien to this middle-aged chick. (It also makes me think stalkers must be in nirvana in borderless territory like that. Yikes.)

On the bright side, I have done 3 loads (or one overflowing granny cart) of laundry so far. Trust me, I have quite a pile yet to go.

Other tasks awaiting me this week:

• refinancing my mortage - not something I want to discuss @ work
• updating my resume - uh, ditto!
• checking out details on how much $$$$ the dating service a friend recommended - ummmm, really ditto!
• visiting my friend's parents in Princeton
• visiting my family in CT
• returning one of the down coats I bought for mom for Xmas (rejected by recipient)
• shipping out a giant pile of packages @ the USPS
• finishing up my traditional Xmas - New Year's - Chinese New Year holiday cards (deadline: Feb. 3, 2011 = 4709 Year of the Rabbit)
• watching the DVDs I borrowed from the library:

1. Just Wright - romcom with Queen Latifah and (I forget which) rapper-turned-actor
2. The Secret In Their Eyes - last year's Oscar winner for foreign film
3. Iron Man 2 - do I even need to give this a blurb?

• and oh yeah, taking a sandblaster to my apartment!

Ain't life in the big city just a thrill a minute?

Speaking of the big city, the photo above was taken at City Hall Park a few years ago at night, using an extended release shutter speed. Cool, eh?

Warm and fuzzy

It's been an unusually harsh winter this year (in fact, we're due for another several inches of snow tomorrow night) so I've really been bonding with my Green Monstah and my new black marshmallow (which is the knee length version of this parka). Ironically, of course, I get killer hot flashes every night while I sleep (and on especially lucky days, during the mornings and afternoons as well), but hey, what can ya do? At least I'm still around to have them!

This frosty weather has been highly conducive to thoughts of Kittichai's Thai hot pot for my annual birthday dinner (no German food this year -- SHOCKING, I know) where endless plates of shrimp, (sushi grade) salmon, squid, mussels, beef, pork, and veggies arrive at your table, to be dipped into deliciously seasoned broth. Some of you may remember we attacked, er, enjoyed this repast in October, and evidently we rhapsodized over it so much that other folks were keen to join in this time. Heh.

Nothing else much is going on here (ah, the midwinter doldrums) except that I appear to have gained a grand total of 10-14 lbs over the winter (whoops), cleaned my place a little bit, since a friend's daughter stayed over here for the weekend (hi Pirate!) so there are actual patches of floor visible, and tonight, I tackled some emergency laundry (socks anyone?)

Am still deep in celebrity crush mode, so I ordered a boxed DVD set of Criminal Minds, seasons 1-5, on eBay as the syndicated versions on TV get chopped to bits to make room for extra commercials. Sigh. And although my fondness for cop/FBI shows has consistently manifested itself since grad school (hello? X-Files anyone?) the only problem is that some of the characters irritate the crap out of me (is it so wrong of me to feel gleeful when she got shot?)

So next week, I am taking off from work (9 office-free days for the price of 4 vacation days = a BARGAIN!) when I will have many many things to do (financial, domestic, correspondence & packages -- I owe you a great big old thank you, LQ!) and hopefully I can do them all to the accompaniment of a Thomas Gibson soundtrack in the background. *swoon* Heheheh. Yeah, I'm sick, but y'all knew that, right?

The Green Monster

No, that's not jealousy -- that's my beloved giant sage green couch, which seems to have a black hole secretly embedded in its cushions: once I sit / sprawl / lounge in it, that's it for the afternoon / day / evening. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything after that.

So today I pre-emptively did some tidying up BEFORE getting sucked into the green monster's gravity well. So although there are still mounds of Stuff piled hither and yon, one can actually see a reasonable amount of floor space in the living area. Shocking. (Remember: baby steps, a/k/a, the journey of a thousand garbage bags begins with a single pile of trash....)

Another sign that I am feeling somewhat better these days is that I actually have a celebrity crush. (I've noticed that I tend to have severe celebrity crushes mostly when I am not in a relationship, but for the last few months, I didn't even care about age-appropriate yummy looking actors.) Currently, it's Thomas Gibson from Criminal Minds.

He kind of reminds me of my ex-ex-bf, The Consultant, but only in that general police description kind of way: black hair, fair skin, preppy-looking, soft-spoken, and oh yeah, HOT. (Well, to me anyway -- such is personal taste, but at least I'm consistent.)

Okay, on to less dorky subjects, such as my round of vicarious travels via mystery novels on my Kobo e-reader:

• Broken English - Amish mystery set in Ohio; 2nd in the series
• Girl Who Played With Fire - book 2 of the Stieg Larsson series, set in Sweden (Noomi Rapace, the actress in the Swedish film adaptation, is excellent, by the way; she's also exactly 12 years younger than me* -- yikes! feeling old...)
• Man From Beijing - also set in Sweden (mostly) but eh, won't be reading more of his novels
• Hangman - a Faye Kellerman novel, the 21st in the Rina Lazarus/Peter Decker series, set in the Orthodox Jewish community in Los Angeles
• Storm Prey - the 20th John Sandford book in the Prey series; set in Minnesota during the winter (brrr... very appropriate)
• Am now in the middle of The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest - book 3 of the Stieg Larsson Millennium Trilogy

* Speaking of birthdays, that is indeed my birthday cake above, made by my sister, and decorated jointly by her (the chocolate shavings) and both of my grandnephews (the M&Ms), and demolished by the family at her house on the day itself. Babies galore this holiday season, with visits to 9 younger relatives ranging in age from 7 years to 7 weeks. Wheeee!

Fluffy white fun

December 2010 Blizzard Timelapse from Michael Black on Vimeo.

December 2010 Blizzard Timelapse. Canon DLSR on tripod with remote timer taking a photo once every five minutes.

Approximately 20 hours in 40 seconds.

Facebook: Mike Black Photography

This evening, the video even made it onto the ABC evening news (the national broadcast, not local).

Me? Am happily ensconced with my family in Connecticut, where my youngest niece was prevented from flying back to SF since all 3 NYC airports were closed today (oops).

One day, I'll experience thundersnow, but it was not to be this weekend.